D’you know what made me fall in love with Nu-Who? It wasn’t Tennant, or Piper or even Coduri (come on you lot! Jackie Tyler was played by Camille Coduri! Tsk!)

Thoughts and prayers, you cunts, thoughts and fucking prayers.

Obligatory post featuring Dyson’s nemesis and beloved companion of cleaning ladies up and down the land, well, here in the UK...

In the words of my French colleague: “It’s a show written by fat pathetic Americans for fat pathetic Americans about a fictional Paris that has never existed except in their post-fingering haze”.

If it means an end to the countless hordes of inbred-looking waddlers infesting my city on their vacays, then I’m all for ramming them up the shufty with price hikes.  You want it?  You pay for it.  Can’t afford it?  You can’t have it.  

The plain ones are always good to have on stand-by in the cupboard in case you get wanky visitors who want something nice to nibble on whilst drinking your tea/coffee. If you really don’t like the fuckers you can always dish out the pink wafer biscuits and if you never want to see them again you crack open the Nice…

I’ll go one better. Did you know there’s a superior version of the legend that is the Crunchie sold in Australia and New Zealand: Violet Crumble. Yes, it sounds like a superheroine’s name. But it’s the shatter that matters and it is divine.

Only when it rhymes with harm and not ham.  The latter is common/American.  *haughty British sniff*

Found it. Questionable intro aside, here’s the groovy 70s version...

Don’t forget he also co-wrote the screenplay for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang which was based on an Ian Fleming short story. Where else do you think he would have got inspiration for getting the name Truly Scrumptious from? (Which, I argue, is the best name ever for a kid’s film heroine) Sad little fact about Chitty…

Danny, the Champion of the World was and is still an unusual Roald Dahl book in that it’s on that weird little border between a children’s book and young adult fiction. It’s also, in my opinion, the most realistic of Dahl’s children’s books because it’s very easy to place the book both in time and setting (1975, the…

I’m glad Tom Cardy does both Tik Tok and Instagram because I don’t think this would have been so gloriously weird Halloween video this year...pucker up!

“We encourage you to try a new snacking line created by the Skinnygirl brand which are crafted with less sugar than comparative snacks.”

If you actually need a tracker to find an Airpods case in your tiny home then you need to clean your home a bit more.  JFC.  That’s the worst defence of this pointless gadget I’ve read in a long time.  

Actual British - well, Scottish - here!

My boyfriend and I got pestered by my nephew recently for a loan of some of our old cameras. The one my nephew’s using this week is this one...

Well, yeah, but that’s because Americans are a mongrel race.  Best thing to do with mongrels is neuter them.  

There’s one big deal about the French TGV system that’s often overlooked: capacity.

Agreed. In my company, if we were asked to work “extraordinary shifts” you’d find that all of senior management were forbidden from leaving the premises.  They didn’t like it but it was entertaining watching moany Michelle from New Customers whinge about missing her hair appointment.  All for one, one for all and all…

Hey, Elon?