See, now, I’m a fan of sage and onion stuffing. Not from a packet, just freshly-made and never with shop-bought breadcrumbs - that’s what makes the difference.  

And for dessert!

Why not both?!

If you really want to avoid cooking one of those wobbly-throated birds (shudder), I’ll make a suggestion from Across The Pond with something my family normally turn out twice a year (once at Christmas and the other on Hogmanay) - steak pie. This is my OG recipe - but you can easily add more if you think 2 pounds of…

That last bit I’m unclear about. Made for some fabulous family parties in the year afterwards, let me tell you.

Oh lordy, I can remember Tampongate. Oh, it was hilarious. Not so much if you were a Windsor, but it was hilarious. Utterly repulsive and utterly hilarious at the same time (and it was a gift to our media, believe me. Everyone had a dig at Charlie. Everyone). And to think - only a few decades before the idea of the…

God help you lot when they figure out how to make tandoori chicken into a cheap burger.  You’ll hyperventilate.

My mother’s family are famous for doing this at Christmas. As we’re British, well, Scottish (but we’re still British despite whatever cultural delusions you may have from overindulging in Gashlander) Christmas Day can often resemble the Christmas episode of Eastenders. Lots of “You slaaaaaag!” and “get out of my pub!”

It never ceases to amaze me that there are Americans out there who eat like their health care is free.  Sweet potatoes and marshmallows sound like something out of the sequel to 2 Girls 1 Cup.

He looks bouncy.  Good on you, Gisele.  

Whilst I think Kirby was amazing as Margaret, Helena Bonham Carter - and Olivia Coleman - really carried the show for the past two series.  

Fuck, yes. The worst example of IOC excess - for me - will always be the Athens Games. So much money spaffed down the drain, so many unused buildings, not to mention the corruption.

Has anyone checked to see if that moral vacuum Katy Perry’s free that week? That wee troglodyte’d turn up at the rustle of a chip poke.

Counter-idea:  eat a fucking salad?

NHS Greater Glasgow, it would seem. I mean, I had an MRI rescheduled six times because of the Pandemic but this shitsmear got his tats tarted up gratis?

“Yeah, hi, I ordered an extra large Attention Seeking with a side of freshly-squeezed sartorial horror?  Can I speak to your manager?”

It’s okay. A fair number of Yanks fail to understand that what we call Conservative here in the UK would be considered Democrat in the States and Labour here would be the equivalent of Bernie Sanders (just without the unelectability).

UPDATE: Well, it looks like Nicholas Alahverdian/ Nicholas Rossi/ Nicholas Alahverdian Rossi/ Nicholas Edward Rossi/ Nicholas Alahverdian-Rossi/ Nick Alan/ Nicholas Brown/ Nicholas Brown Knight (eeeeeew)/ Arthur Brown/ Arthur Knight won’t be leaving our shores potentially just yet.

The pancake at least looks edible, dare I say tasty. I don’t see how substituting the sausage for bacon-flavoured plastic (you guys really need Ayrshire bacon. All the fun of British bacon and the allure of crispy bacon with 100% “oink!” flavour!) would have improved things. The coffee sounds like a con. And the…

It’s funny, but when this guy was arrested last year the general consensus here in Scotland was “ship the fucker back to where he came from”. No one was convinced by his story. No one. Every time he came up on the news it was talked about for a second but it would always start and end the same way: why hasn’t this…