Oh dear. Time to counter your American lies with some brutal facts, my dear.

*sighs*

Ah, Theo James. No matter what role he’s in, no matter how dreamy or menacing he’s supposed to be, he’ll always be the shit-snorting fuckwit from The Inbetweeners Movie...

Pasta all’assassina? Already been done on Youtube by an actual Italian. And yes, Eva is fabulous.

Jesus Christ, Nora.  You’re doing horror wrong - you’re supposed to be terrified of something you seen in the corner of your eye, not the arrow pointing to the next slide.  *denies snacks*

In some parts of Europe, being a server at a restaurant or cafe is a very acceptable, even coveted career path. But that’s what you get when you pay people a decent wage and have socialist medicine I guess. Now, here’s your GM-Freedom Burger! Nommy nom-nom!

“The practice of tipping and the debates that surround it are largely due to the fact that only in the United States are service industry workers paid in a manner that requires a reliance on tips, letting restaurants pay as little as $2.13 per hour so long as tips bring the wages up to the federal minimum.”

I can see why the xenomorph’d appeal to some wee perverts out there. Sleek, muscular, fantastic tongue-action in bed and comes equipped with two dildos. Has some major mummy issues, mind.

Vot, no Monica arising from the bedlinen and the pneumatic boobies? For shame! For shame!

“The next time you’re shopping for steak, maybe you’ll have a slightly better idea of what you’re paying for—the majority of you seem to really value this stuff, after all.”

Is this the stupid bint who spread the disease by cuddling the birds? If so - fuck her.

I keep forgetting Ncuti Gatwa’s Scottish. It’s only when he speaks normally that I go “oh, yeah, he grew in Edinburgh and Dunfermline!” - which, well, I suppose being a survivor of Dunfermline and the mutants of Fife means there’s nothing Who can throw at him that’ll phase him.

Nope, not buying his performance here. I don’t buy it based on the stories I’ve heard and read about his behaviour not just in the States. Has he apologised personally to the staff he had a pop at? No? Then he can choke on a big fat one, the wee dick.

But not so long that a nascent civilisation starts to form on the lid.

I’m from a city with whole neighbourhoods of crumbling and decaying Victorian mansions. Most of them were converted in the 1970s right through to the modern day into plush new apartment buildings (“Oh, my bathroom used to be the maid’s bedroom! Don’t mind the shrieking though, she’s not used to seeing a man’s willy!”)…

I love geese. Especially when they’re chasing after a fat toddler with murderous intent.

I can understand the risk with cold meat (christ, one of the scariest mass food-poisonings that happened over here was back in 2007 and involved a deli counter at Morrisons. Cue thousands of people chucking anything from Morrisons in the bin) but it’s bloody horrifying to think of getting food poisoning from salads…

“First off, just like a lot of foodborne illnesses, you’ll probably get hit with the fun stuff: diarrhea, vomiting, or both.”

Oh, and to the nipple-face in the greys - I’m a Scot, not a “Scott”, you waste of ejaculant.  If you’re going to try and slate my country, do some fucking research, you turgid fart.

You’re calling me a “dum dum” and you can’t even capitalise Canadian, eh?  Put the beaver down and crack a book open, tit-wit.