Michelle only went sleeveless because she thought conservatives would love a free gun show

“The First Lady turned to the children and in a sweet but somber tone began, ‘I truly understand your pain. Day after day, trapped. You don’t know who you can talk to or who around you actually cares. Even with all the fancy toys,’ as she gestured to some games and potato chips the children had scattered around their…

Aaaaannnnd that’s why the Camry rules. Most people don’t want an ‘engaging’ driving experience. They just want to get to and from their cubicle and their kids to and from school and activities with zero added drama.

Just a compass and a sextant

The wolf is a noble and misunderstood creature. Try “possum-faced” if you’re striving for accuracy in your animal metaphors.

Remember folks, doxxing is bad unless it’s done against people you disagree with nazis.

So you’re saying this guy could have become president one day?

They’re not sending us their best.

Dear Salty Waitress,

Scratch a bully, find a coward.

You know, Jeff Sessions may want to check out the other references to immigrants in the Bible. I seem to recall one or two...

[casts stone, sees it not going far enough, runs underneath to catch it, casts again]

Subject: Illeterate poor excuse for Journalism

Iran managed to pull a Rabat out of the hat,

If there’s any justice in this world, they’ll sneak past Portugal and send Ronaldo packing in the most embarrassing possible way.

It’s not just that Superman is strong, it’s that it never even occurs to Superman to think about the possibility of something being too heavy. When people around Superman struggle with heavy things, he has to put extra effort into trying to imagine what it’s like to have difficulty moving that desk or carrying those…

Circle Back In Temecula, Where We Can Take This Offline