Memphis. and. Navy.

Where is the one about a private equity firm that takes over suite of websites and fucks it all to hell?

I thought my head would pop off when I read that. Please, please for fuck’s sake can we not have this guy as our nom? I fucking hate this.

Adam Schiff must be shaking in his boots now!  Lol.

“I owe all of my work ethic, character, integrity, and moral fiber to my father.”

Awwww, he went to Jared!

Oh, bless his sweet heart. 

Eric Trump also penned a thoughtful editorial:

Thank you so much for sharing this story, Prachi. This is the most incisive and heartfelt reporting I’ve ever read.

I’m truly shocked that Fleabag won out over Veep. Pleased, but shocked. I thought there was no way that Emmy voters would overcome their traditional lethargy and vote for the actual best comedy of the year rather than the incumbent Veep and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Lead Actress in a Comedy Series was an absolutely stacked category this year. Most of the predictions had Julia Louis-Dreyfus winning again this year (with a few outliers going with Lyonne, O’Hara, or Waller-Bridge), which I thought would have shown a real lack of vision on the part of Emmy voters. I’m pleasantly…

Ah, but they have awarded it for past seasons, many times over. This was just the voters being lazy. (And I’m thrilled they overcame that laziness to reward Fleabag.)

It was a giant mess. But I’m glad Fleabag was recognized!

That was very weird. She’s so much more famous for other songs and that sing is much more famous for Gloria Gaynor’s version. 

That’s not how your peasant butt works, Gwen has a very sensitive ass.

I KNOW, RIGHT? Who wrote that? (Although why oh why would we expect more from that section of that newspaper?)

What kind of butt does she have that having a few plates of pasta can radically alter its shape? That’s not how butts work.

Um, Page Six, Ms. Ross is NOT the “I Will Survive” singer. I dont care if she made a remake that hit no. 1. She’s only made, like, a million hits for Motown. 

I have just seen my life 10 years in the future. Their tiny preschool penises are cute now but my future is bleak.

I get a bunch of pointed comments about how my similar-aged cousins are now all married, buying houses, and having kids and they are just SO GODDAMNED HAPPY!!! I'm fine eating my Hot Pockets and chips out of a Tupperware on my bed at 2am, thanks.