Could you use that dressing tape that wardrobe magicians use to keep hooters from running wild?

In other news, her parents were fined $5000 for naming her "Tay'lor".

Kudos to Gwyneth for being self-aware and honest about pot making her MORE boring.

I came here for this.  Nothing beats a sparkly poop.

I just hope someone brings this up during his confirmation hearing in 40 years, or - preferably - his parole hearing in 25 to 30.

I got to the ERand they gave me a shot of Dilaudid.  Wooooooooohoooooo!

I had gone into liver failure from mine! Had my gallbladder out 7 months after a c-section. The nurses would come in and tell me, it might hurt when you stand up and walk around, and I was like, “Pft! I had a csection after 12 hours of hard labor. This is getting licked by kittens.” bit, seriously, my family thought I…

I refuse to Google him.

Actually, that’s a great name for a band.

If they weren’t Democrats before, they are now!

Without batting an eye.

Ergo wombats try to kill you with poop that looks like candy.

I have a bunch... I spilled my drink on Eartha Kitt and wanted to die. I was almost rear-ended by Whitney Huston on the Garden State Parkway. Billy Crystal stepped on my foot at a restaurant. I used to work for Dorinda Medley's ex boyfriend (20 years ago).

We live in the suburbs of NYC. About 30 minutes by train. When we were a single child family we would still go to brunch with friends in the city. For like 5 trips in a row, we ran into Michael Imperioli.  It got the point where I think he started to recognize us.

As with most people, I suspect, most of my childhood fears were potty based.  But to this day, when in a bathroom with stalls I will only use the end stall closest to the door because it will keep me safe from the bathroom murder clowns.  

At work we call that "assmosis".

48 and still a real fear of mine.

My favorite part is watching all the people in the audience failing to keep the beat.

It's Sabine, whitewashed into Keri Russell. 

In the Salma Hayek video: THAT BATHTUB. OMG!!!! Why did I have to marry a poor?