Does she have foundation on her hands?

I’m so glad we have lawyers to negotiate how long a pedophile will agree to go to jail. At least we won’t have to deal with a star-struck jury.

He always looks to me like a guy that would make you smell his farts.

Hummus. Awesome, delicious, perfect hummus.

It reads like stereo instructions.

Pft. Paid for my bridesmaids dresses and demanded that they not give us gifts. It was an easy decision to make because I asked my attendants to participate out of LOVE, and to spend our glorious day with us. (We had 300 people at the wedding and that just included family to first cousins, and maybe 10 couples who were…

Guess I was the only one watching Boardwalk Empire for its historical tidbits.

And somewhere, Debbie Matenopoulos (spelling? Don’t care) and her new nose are cackling.

Mine got eaten by the dog next door. According to my parents, anyway. 41 years and I still remember wailing. The following summer I made their daughter drink a bottle of Old Spice. Never wondered if it was connected until just now. Oh, crap!!!

I think Bette wins this round.

There are 378 other comments- so I’m sure someone else has mentioned already- but he probably DID lose weight on this because I know if I was consuming a drink of coffee, butter, and coconut water (or, as Tom Hanks says in Castaway, “nature’s finest laxative”), I would crap myself skinny in no time flat. I’m getting a…

As long as he has either his shirt or his pants off, he can talk about it as much as he wants.

Had to look it up, but damn straight it isn’t!

His senscience is debatable.

You’d be living my dream...

There’s a picture of my husband’s college girlfriend (I had A LOT of work to undo what she did to him) in one of those photo cubes on the mantle of my mother-in-law’s house. Whenever nobody is looking, I make sure that photo is facing down.

I’m taking this as further proof that Pinkham is living in the bushes outside my house. I made these last night!

What if it was just “North has ballet classes twice a week”? Nobody would bat an eye.

Raw rhubarb (maybe just the leaves?) is poisonous, so the lizard part of his brain probably told him to give it a pass.

I’m kind of surprised they haven’t explored the “dessert chip”. I can tell you that potato chips and chocolate icing/melted chocolate ice cream are a freaking divine combination. If they could throw a hint of peanut butter in there... yum. If nothing else, they would have a built-in customer in women who are PMS-ing…