That is exactly what I thought! Since she was born, I always knew she would have issues because her mother is the most beautiful woman since Helen and she looks like her troll of a very talented father in rouge. How can you parent through that?

Yeah, that's my reaction to the whole thing, too.

I found one product that worked and I haven't found it in a store since. It was called a sneaker blaster or something. Thankfully, he is aware and keeps his shoes outside during the summer. He tries... and that's what's important. (BTW - he is away for two days and I am going to go through a couple of boxes of…

Black sweats to the funeral... ownership of leather pants. Funny she doesn't mention his mullet.

Totally fake because no sane person would have given anyone a chance after bullet #2.

But it's ok for the white kids?

Also, Beatrice's hat makes me want Funyuns.

I was at the Easter Parade in NYC this year and between that and this I am inspired to start work immediately on my own absolutely incredible Easter bonnet for next year. Best one I saw this year had a working train, so... challenge accepted!

Selena Gomez wasn't available, so the character was cut.

I was brought up to give gifts off the registry for the shower/housewarming and cash for the wedding, if possible. Any thoughts?

I have an elderly aunt who replied yes +1 to our wedding and didn't show. No big whoop. She grew up very posh and wealthy and in her declining years, after my uncle passed, she lost her fortune and her marbles. She did send a gift... an old jewelry box with rocks in it. Seriously. I love her and I always think of…

This is horrifying.

The horse is out of the barn, but had I been there, I definitely would have said something. I have no problem at all calling dumbasses for their dumbassery. (I've put myself in between people before and have only gotten hurt once.) Just one person stepping in or making a loud remark can be what breaks the tension…

I had one emergency C-section and one planned (oooh, complications), but I have to say that my doctor did an awesome job. I was not stitched externally either time, so I don't know if that had any effect, but I felt fine pretty quickly and healed up even faster after the second one (until I fell down the stairs two…

The first time I realized that I really was turning into my mother was the first time I put on a bathing suit after giving birth the first time. I AM my mother from the neck down (babies at same ages, gall bladder surgery at the same age, same boobs godhelpme), but if you ask anyone, I look like my dad in drag.

Baby feet. Ovaries exploding.

White before Memorial Day? How gauche.

Well, at least someone in the world will have access to contraception and family planning services.

Thank you. I am going to print this out, frame it, and give it to my (childless) sister-in-law for Mother's Day. Vindication is sweet.

He's on his way to Trace Cyrus-ville.