Arnold Schwarzenegger’s essay will simply read YOU HURT MY JENNY, BENNETT! I CRUSH YOU!

Damn shame the Bleeding Hemorrhoid was in dry dock. I hear she was a fine vessel and actually favored a bit of ice.

What happens if they don’t? Do they eventually start accumulating delay of game penalties until they have to start penalizing them half the distance from their own end zone and run into Zeno’s Paradox where they can never get all the way back for a safety? Does the NFC Championship never happen? As the years pass by,…

Most telling stat for how bad they got their ass kicked was no one on a Thibs coached team played more than 31 minutes.

+1 cud

Damn, to the Mavs that must’ve felt like a punch to one of their four little stomachs.

Manu forever.

The guillotine our generation builds should be WiFi enabled and have a GoPro affixed to the blade.

Weirdly, out of everything, I think my favorite part of the video is “discoteca.”

So he plays for Manchester United then

Yes! And when Poe himself, Mr. Damn The Torpedoes, was like “Shit, this is stupid as hell, let’s get the fuck outta here!”

When the plucky band of misfits with tiny, beaten-up shitmobiles can’t actually defeat the vastly superior technology of their evil foes and have to, like, sneak out the back.

Rewatch the movie. Kylo says earlier that Rey can’t be projecting herself or otherwise the effort would kill her. Luke was stuck on the island but knew he had to project himself to distract the First Order so everybody would have time to get away. He died to save everybody else, just like Kenobi.

God, that fucking ruled.

I feel like you missed the best one, where Poe Dameron, dashing space flyboy, pulls a mutiny on the cold and frigid new commander who’s obviously not as a good a choice as him in his own mind, and it turns out he’s the asshole, not the hero.

Poe: What are you doing, Maz?

On the subject of Midichlorians, Vice had a great article that factors into why Luke denounces the Jedi:

I was a political science major, and I have been doing a lot of thinking about what a Jones upset would mean. It’s pretty significant, and requires a fair amount of nuanced thinking. So I apologize in advance if this gets kind of dense and long, but here’s the analysis of someone who studies and thinks about this…

In all fairness, it was sloppy defending by Lovren, but it was a dive by Calvert-Lewin. Shit call.

I fucking love Jürgen Klopp.