As a white, amateur, (really old,) hopelessly untalented boxer, I see an uncomfortable amount of myself in Conor McGregor.

Because they are one-in-a-million genetic freaks of nature.

You owe me a new computer monitor.

I sheen it.... I sheen it happen...

Because nobody likes you, is why. Why don’t you do what the man says and go suck your own cock?

I see what you did there...

Man, they could have walked it to the plate faster. Yeah, old news, but still enjoyable.

This umpire is our police forces in miniature. He thinks his word should be obeyed without question by everyone, who should grovel at his feet. And if you don’t like it, he metaphorically (or literally) ends you.

Nah. What happened is what should have happened. It’s one of the great artistic moments of baseball, when the manager can berate the ump for cocksucking call and get kicked out. I’ve seen more than one team come from behind after that.

That was nothing compared to the great days of Sparky Anderson. He didn’t even kick dirt on the ump’s shoes, or turn his cap around so he could get millimeters from his face.

I remember him throwing a strike from deep right field to home plate to get a guy tagging up from third. More than once. A monster.

A-Rod. Proof that talent can sometimes get you fucking nowhere.

You mean, like making a speech to the Boy Scouts about yourself and your political enemies (and which women you want to bone)? Get the hell over yourself.

Sparky Anderson would have charged out of the dugout, spun his cap backwards on his head, put his face millimeters from the umpire’s, and screamed spit into his face while kicking dirt on his shoes. Good times.

Yo, dumbdick — this is true for every event your eyes witness. All events are from the past. If I say “oh hey, you missed what just happened” talking about a munitions factory blowing up across town, you’ll go “oh, shit.” But if it happens five billion light years away, you’ll go “well, you know that really happened…

Just keep doubling down on your annoying self.

Or: stare at the stove as if you were going to take its picture. Now: are all the dials in the “off” position? You’re good to go!

May this asshole get his dick bitten off.

Many Germans have this name as well. I work with some.

Could be German.