Have you tried “up your own ass?” Asking for a friend...

“Lower risk of cancer” != “no risk of cancer.”

Not when I look in the mirror...

I’m horrified to realize that this was my childhood, commercial breaks on the Mary Tyler Moore show.

Lol, go fuck yourself.

+1 for “Dixie hobgoblin.”

Lol. As if he’s been with a woman.

“This is a fucking league game...this determines who advances to the next round robin...am I fucking wrong?”

I’ve been watching baseball for 40 years. His run around the bases the other day did not look “extra long” at all. There was no point where he slowed to a walk, even at the end. People need to fucking chill the fuck out about over-reading this shit.

Grow the fuck up. You don’t headhunt a guy for being appropriately pleased about accomplishing something. You get better at fucking pitching.

It’s time to start taking personal responsibility, people. We as a society can’t be paying for your mistakes. Self-inflicted gunshot wound? Oh, that’s covered.

TL/DR; this dude got sick — that means he didn’t deserve health care in the first place. Why is this so hard for you to grasp?

If you lost the genetic lottery, obviously God hates you. Also, losing lotteries makes you poor. And God hates the poor. You are the Cain of our times.

By this guy’s logic, shouldn’t coal miners have stayed away from mining coal in the first place?

It’s the “strapping young bucks” knocking up America’s “welfare queens.”

Look: you go to war with the army you have. But don’t generalize from that to, like, life in general. That’s just irresponsible.

Pick different parents, asshole.

“I don’t know all the details, but I do know that the fruit juice is what causes cancer.” Ok, got it, ace.

Note: fructose does not give you cancer. Fructose does not block p53 or interfere with its transcription.

Those people should not have been allowed to have been born. Oh wait, we’re against that, too. Hold on... *quietly leaves room*