Broke her neck doing gymnastics. She was way too young for tumbling but Nanny let her do it anyway.

It was the kid who had seen Dr. Claw’s face in my school.

If you’re going to invest hundreds of dollars on a television set then you want to make sure you’re getting the best picture possible

If you think DC’s streets suck now, wait until they have tank treads rolling down them.

Have you ever owned a bad hammer? It’s a hammer.

There is such a thing as too much Star Wars.

Is it bad that I want to know what subreddit he was posting on?

TRONC NO LIKE MEAN MAN! TRONC HIT!

Many years ago, I had a boss who lived above where we worked. Every morning, he would come down for his first cup of coffee and he would mutter, “fuckers!” I never found out who the fuckers were, but the older I get, the more I agree with the sentiment.

Oh good. Lead. Because we need something to make techbros more aggressive...

Can it be, like, neither?

This makes me wonder if most Americans would even give a shit if this was happening somewhere on the mainland. What will it take?

Star Wars without tits is no Star Wars at all.

What does he ever mean?

Jeez, if they wanted to waste a Tesla, they could have given it to me.

Has Ecuador thought of just moving their embassy somewhere else in London and leaving Assange there? It might be worth it.

Maybe god lost her number. You don’t know!

Also missing: Customers breaking down in tears when they see the total.

Sorry about your face.