"those must be really rigorous dates. That or they don't make babies like they used to"

Time to check on the old Craigslist missed connections. After all, what could possibly go wrong eh?

like the worst movie in a solid trilogy

"Ohio State and Alabama played a legendary New Year's Day game, in which OSU trounced ASU in a 42-35 upset, carrying the Buckeyes to the championships or whatever."

Brother/Sister? Same nose and ear shape.

5sos is so blah

I'm more concerned about Doraemon in the background. He's gonna be wanting that cigarette soon.

Are you throwing Shade at these Stans?

Jezebel is so thirsty to use the word thirsty that you're destroying it.

Bensalem and Bethlehem are two different places. Neither of them are a "few hundred miles" from Philadelphia, though.

Wait, the second child is named Genesis? They do know that makes no sense, right?

Man here. I'm in a happy, committed relationship. My wife's anti-depression medication suppresses her libido. When I want to get off I masturbate. If you think my situation is unique you're fooling yourself.

"I see a parasite. A sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges."

She is so fucking pretty. It's insane.

I think that, particularly with women who fall on the anti-woman side of this, people don't like to believe there is a chance you might be fully out of control of a situation. By saying the rapes are fabricated or invited, we can separate ourselves and believe that bad things only happen to dumb people. When we talk…

Sing-along time on Jezebel! This one goes out to our pal, Matt Lauer.

This is Amanda Waller

I came here hoping for tips on how to deal with my work boners. Wholly disappointed.

One time I got invited to hangout backstage during a taping of Deal or No Deal. Howie Mandel was super nice but kind of shy. The models who held the briefcases were the absolute nicest, sweetest people and came and hung out with everyone in the audience. Then we went out to a giant, ridiculous drunken dinner in a…