Here’s my favorite:

“My jersey is retired there already, but they don’t even have a team. Now, it’s like agriculture events in that rink and my jersey is hanging there with the cows.”

Effort put into running, ranked:

I am.

I could get on board with yes. I bet lighting up this line seemed as dumb to many at first.

He’d offer Barça some much-needed depth and experience behind Neymar and Messi and Suárez . . .

The ups and downs of following Yaya Toure as a City fan:

“Does no one simply ask anyone out, anymore?”

That “K” in D-Backs is very close to being an “H.” D-BACHS

Yeah, right. Any cost savings resulting from moving to the ‘burbs is eaten up and then some very quickly by the kids that caused you to move to the ‘burbs in the first place.

Word is that Aguero re-injured his hamstring taking this selfie and will be out an additional four weeks. Sigh.

I’m glad these people filmed this great moment (well, the ones who did in landscape at least), but who are these people who film games? And how many depressing, inning-ending strikeouts does one have to video to capture that one awesome moment?

I’m glad he’s getting help. But being unable to fulfill your contractual responsibilities — for which you are being paid millions — because you became an addict is not necessarily something worthy of “respect.”

On a day like this, I’m not sure how it is that City ever loses.

Serious question: Is there any celebration Deadspin would not be cool with? What if Ramirez did a two-handed back flip on the way to first? Would that be fine?

Relegation battle!

Can we stop with declaring the Premier League over ridiculously early? It’s laughable when commentators do this in March. But in August??

I feel for him, but Storen did have his chance to prevent this by not blowing two critical playoff games. Right or wrong, if it weren’t for those two blown saves, this doesn’t happen.

Who is this hero? Everything is perfect — the deliberate placement of the first stack of money; the calm turn towards the cameras that betrays no sense that he’s doing anything inappropriate at all; and the strip-club-perfect toss of bills in the air that rain just long enough for our hero to leave the picture first.

Worst five reasons for a ticker-tape parade, ranked: