They give out a free cuppa whip cream. They call it a “pupachino” but you don’t even hafta have a dog with you. Just tell ‘em it’s outside, bam, free whip cream.

The actual Tomsula Index is a list of businesses that will let you use their bathroom without having to buy anything. 

“I have probably never laughed harder than I did just now when I opened a reader email and learned that the troposphere is the lowest level of the earth’s atmosphere. ”

Most of my friends have gotten married in their 30s, and nearly all of them have done it on the mega cheap, usually having the ceremony in a public park, and then renting out a restaurant for dinner. It’s the people who get married in their 20s that use all of their friends and parents’ money up. Maybe it’s because…

So you’re saying I can have your pickle spear

Why the fuck is HR calling me again?

Chili is great, but if I have to hear some sanctimonious prick try to tell me one more time that they “prefer a white chili with chicken and cilantro” I will fight them. Call that THING whatever you want to call it, but do not call it chili! Chili is red, red like the fires of hell, and should never contain poultry.…

Almost always. 

What the fuck is a search engine?

At least Washington has the title for their 2019 season in review video.

Jim Tomsula’s impact is being felt from top to bottom in this organization.

A plastic bag of styrofoam cups is also Alex Smith’s new tibia.

“World of Suck, you say? Guess I’m done visiting Orchids of Asia.”

Just End The Season.

I bet some time in the 4th quarter he Falks it up.

A more crass individual might be inclined to say that it looks like the Jets are Falked, but not me

Jets fans are used to seeing who’s at quarterback and going, “Look - fuck.”

Harper has hit 31 homers so far this season. That was once an impressive accomplishment. Now it’s a middling amount of homers for a power hitter in this league.

I think I can sue AB for assault after reading that text message. It definitely gave me brain damage.