Your husband is so secure in his masculinity that he would inflict violence on someone because he assumes them to be cis, then finds out his assumption was incorrect? How is that not the most insecure reaction imaginable?

maintain your "not rapey" brand by not being rapey!

Which is why I said it might offend smaller people and those with dwarfism. You don't need to tell me what she meant. We're having a fine job talking with each other. It's okay to say, "Hey, might want to rethink that." I responded to her perfectly nicely and have no issue with the poster. Sometimes we don't…

The Gap is like this. There are multiple reasons I'm not crazy about shopping at The Gap, and this is one of them. And some types of clothes run larger than others? I've found this a lot with dress pants in a number of places - the dress pant sizes run larger than the jeans. It is SO HARD for me to find…

Wasted opportunity should have made the G a J and made it a comedy club for pregnant women!

or it's possible that the arrangements were made by her book publisher and that she corrected the issue when it was brought to her attention.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. After this post and seeing what others said I have felt it was time I just step back from the whole "community" and just be me and not even engage in these discussions, it's painful and only wounds me. I have many people around kinja who are supportive and some in my real life but…

I think forgiveness is a way to take power back in a situation where you've violently lost all power. You're dictating the terms of the relationship now, and you're choosing a peaceful, humane way. If that's her choice, all the power to her.

I'd say at its most simplistic it's about personal empowerment - taking the power away from her rapist. Trust me - the image of an abuser is permanently embedded and it takes a lot to face them down and forgive him or her. By speaking out the words, I imagine it makes it more powerful and real.

The bloody shower curtain really gives it that Josef Mengele/Human Centipede vibe this story has been missing.

It was a show of strength. Being able to forgive and say it aloud means that she as a victim can move on, while the perpetrator will spend next 20 years getting there. And telling it to him makes *him* know that. You can also think it as strong and civilized person showing a middle finger to the criminal. "I can move…

Well Thich Naht Hahn has been incredibly active in the social justice movement ever since he led protests against the Vietnam war. Martin Luther King nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize. So I guess the trick is to harness that anger into helping all beings on earth, but not to let your emotions overwhelm or…

Yes, yes, this. A million times yes.

You don't have to forgive. Forgiveness is a gift, not a requirement. There's a cult of thinking that says you have to forgive in order to move on. You don't. Do what works for you in living your life your way. Sending you good vibes.

Oh absolutely. You don't see anyone calling out Ina Garten (who I love) for using the same quantities of butter and cream. But, you know, she's rich, she lives in the Hamptons with her Harvard professor husband, and she doesn't have the stank of Southern nouveau riche about her that Paula Deen has.

Saying that women are defiled if they've ever slept with men is some patriarchal bullshit. It's okay to want a partner who has the same amount of experience as you, but to discriminate based on whether your partner has slept with women versus men? That's just the virginity myth repackaged in a way that makes lesbians…

How's that any different than when homophobes say gay people being out is "shoving [our] sexuality down their throats"?

What's wrong with it, from my perspective, is that it objectifies people and tries to stuff this thing called "love" into a sterile, pre-designed package.

This is some noble savage bullshit. No, bi people aren't above everyone else because they like both kinds of genitals. And they aren't necessarily "attracted to individuals." They can be attracted to gender types... of both genders. They can be attracted to personalities instead of physical characteristics (usually…

Jesus H Christ, the response to that article was fucking horrific :( I remember being so bummed out that I just closed it without commenting because I couldn't handle it. The question that came up was one that I have pondered a lot, and it made me so sad and uncomfortable that so many people were like, "Fuck you, you…