Awwwww, would you like those kids to get off your lawn, too?

I know. I love her to pieces, and realizing that was her just solidified my huge crush.

We will sit on the front porch of the general store, sipping our lemonade with mint leaves, rocking gently in the jasmine-scented breeze, as our great-grandchildren gather 'round our feet and beg to hear again the great epic, The Asseid.

Let the Prince Charles/Miss Money Sterling fanfiction commence!

I would invite pretty deer to come and lick it, of course

It's spelled K-E-I-R-A because

Greatest judgment.

But, Kanye, you're so pretty when you smile! Why don't you smile more? Come on, darlin', just one little smile?

I am not fooled. That belly button is the result of a brief outpatient procedure. It was not there three months ago. Tay is actually a marble statue, animated by Aphrodite.

surely not. We live in a post-racial society. My republican state rep told me so.

Oh, I'm sure he's not being a turd about it. But it's the kind of thing that celebrities say that always seems like an attempt to relate to the plebs and it always pisses me off.

Seriously.

We should probably see if we can hire the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency to unravel it for us.

Wait, does Avril Lavigne have her own clothing line? Because that looks like an advert for a clothing line.

It gets..... different. Because you are no longer pregnant. But then there's the baby and sleeplessness and the nursing (if you do that) and the post-partum hormones. And then there's the return "normal" hormone levels, eventually. Probably. I'm pretty sure the hormones go back to "normal." Or, at least, the new…

Sure, but OH DEAR LORD THE PREGNANCY HORMONES. In my experience, the pregnancy hormones are so much worse (and I take meds for PMDD, so that's really saying something). And doubly so because they are also accompanied by extreme exhaustion and near-constant pain/discomfort/temperature fluctuation and it's been like…

that isn't how I shower, but it is how I get dressed.

I would like to take this opportunity to state that I do not like Fun.

I got a dang from Madeleine. I have now officially hit my burn high point for the year. It's all downhill from here, folks.