I am not fooled. That belly button is the result of a brief outpatient procedure. It was not there three months ago. Tay is actually a marble statue, animated by Aphrodite.

surely not. We live in a post-racial society. My republican state rep told me so.

Oh, I'm sure he's not being a turd about it. But it's the kind of thing that celebrities say that always seems like an attempt to relate to the plebs and it always pisses me off.

Seriously.

We should probably see if we can hire the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency to unravel it for us.

Wait, does Avril Lavigne have her own clothing line? Because that looks like an advert for a clothing line.

It gets..... different. Because you are no longer pregnant. But then there's the baby and sleeplessness and the nursing (if you do that) and the post-partum hormones. And then there's the return "normal" hormone levels, eventually. Probably. I'm pretty sure the hormones go back to "normal." Or, at least, the new…

Sure, but OH DEAR LORD THE PREGNANCY HORMONES. In my experience, the pregnancy hormones are so much worse (and I take meds for PMDD, so that's really saying something). And doubly so because they are also accompanied by extreme exhaustion and near-constant pain/discomfort/temperature fluctuation and it's been like…

that isn't how I shower, but it is how I get dressed.

I would like to take this opportunity to state that I do not like Fun.

I got a dang from Madeleine. I have now officially hit my burn high point for the year. It's all downhill from here, folks.

From the article about Igloo Australia:

Writhing in pleasure was NOT my response when my ex hit my cervix (with his fingers). Cervical bruising is painful as fuck.

Listen, Joe, why don't you just slip me the key to your hotel room and I'll ditch these losers? I'll grab some pork rinds and we can listen to Phish and just see what happens.

This guy is vaguely appalled.

This guy is NOT amused.

just doing my part ;)

The fruitcakes I eat are so soaked in rum, who cares? After they get the first whiff and resultant contact high, NOBODY, that's who.

Start right away.