I discovered a house brand 50 spf spray on sunscreen from the local chain drugstore that smells like grape suckers and I will spray that shit on whenever I’m just adjacent to the sun because it smells goddamn delicious.

My favorite photo of my sister that she sent from Hawaii is her sitting in the middle of the beach full of sunbathers. She’s wearing a long sleeve top, has a towel over her legs, wearing one of those damn visors AND sunglasses and is under an umbrella. All with zero understanding of how much she stands out. I’s…

Did he ever say “The nail that sticks out gets hammered?” Mine said that all the time.

To be fair, you would be doing them a favour if you did that.

Oh my goodness. You are in a for a real treat. I always get excited when someone discovers a new to them author. Some of it is hard slog (she gets deep into issues of justice and societal imbalance), but her imagery is beautiful.

Yep. As soon as I saw the headline my eyebrows crawled right on up into my hairline. So wrong and tone deaf. Jesus.

But you might. You never know. And that is why they must watch you intently while you interact with water.

It doesn’t even have to be a successful lawsuit. It will have been successful if it makes even one outlet or journalist question publishing something negative about a powerful and/or public figure.

Oh, right. Being treated with barely concealed disdain/disinterest until you enter the bathroom, and then they can’t BEAR the solitude and insist they be allowed in. Why do they want to watch you pee? Maintaining full eye contact with a cat while trying to pee kind of makes me, uh, clam up.

Uh. Thank you Dean. Now, how about that minimum wage thing?

Be prepared to blow them away...with your knowledge!

Have you tried it? How do you know it’s not better? Enough with your superior because of opposable thumbs nonsense.

We always refer to Henekin as “Heinechicken” (don’t ask why, I have no idea). Henceforth we shall have to refer to it as Heinegecko- which doesn’t have the same poetic ring to it.

A needle or a piece of paper with “Help me” written on it might do the job.

I guess it can get boring/tedious to be vigilant for months and years on end- I know I’m incapable of hiding shit for any length of time. I’m hoping Manafort was SUPER remiss and left some evidence re: Trump’s involvement lying around.  

Clearly you are an unreasonable person who is solely focused on making sure your cat’s simple dream is left unfulfilled. If I were her, I’d write a letter of complaint to someone.

I just had a flash of rage in solidarity for that poor imaginary mother. HOW DARE THEY JUDGE HER?

You need a fucking death grip on those things. Mine attempted to throw himself out of my arms at least once a day. No one warns you about that.

It’s really hard to stop them from damaging themselves. Like, a full time job. “Don’t eat rocks and/or dirt.” was a big one for us. As was “Don’t bite the dog because they will bit back.” Thankfully golden retrievers are more tolerant with kids than I am.

Right? Make sure you purchase the extended warranty. It might cost you a bit, but a good return or replacement policy is important.