This rant sounds like me getting really angry while watching Paw Patrol with my 3 year old. Seriously, how is the Paw Patrol funded? I mean, I can look past the talking dogs, but what I can’t look past is the massive cost of having a team of specially trained rescue dogs on call 24 hours a day. The Paw Patrol has some…

As a Strong Woman who lives in a Small Town there aren’t any Hot Farmers at all. All I’ve got is is one (married) skeezy guy who overcharges me for lawn care and a bunch of Olds either on tractors or Jazzy Scooters.

I was a big fan of hers, but I cooled off before she even officially jumped in when I saw her at a town hall in LA. She had this malleable vibe to her, where she seemed to shift positions based on whoever was asking the question.

Oh man. Hot Hipster Ghost!!!

It’s so bad, and so good. The whole time you’re just thinking, so when does the ghost fucking start? And the ghost dude is VERY hot. There are suspenders involved. 

Why is everything white?

The next time I fart next to your wife I’ll say the same thing!

When I was a kid, (Imaginary) spies or assassins would routinely break into my house and I would be forced to defend myself with (also imaginary) guns, knives, bombs, golf clubs, what have you. Since I was often battling while horrifically outnumbered and outgunned, I would have to take cover by diving behind…

Whenever I’m out walking alone I try to imagine what people would think of me based on what I’m wearing, what’s in my pockets, etc. if my body was found as a Jane Doe. Almost like when the coroner gives a report to the detectives on on episode of Law and Order. For example “Well, I initially thought based on the dirt…

I smile a lot alone and generally feel euphoric. I sing and dance and talk to my dog like she's my actual child and suddenly I'll realize I've been smiling ear-to-ear for two hours straight. I'm usually too worried to smile when I'm around other people.

I have an aversion to odd numbers, unless it’s divisible by 5 (which in my head seems even because it’s a quarter or half, etc.). I’ve had it since I was a kid - it’s a form of OCD. Luckily I can control it for the most part to the point where it’s not negatively affecting my life, but I do remember once as a kid…

I talk to myself and sometimes re-argue past arguments with people who a) are not there to defend themselves and b) I haven’t spoken to in years. Pantsless of course, because fuck pants.

Some of them are standing because they are anxious about making a connecting flight.

I clicked on them all (because I’m procrastinating from doing stuff I actually need to do).

I do not often post photos of myself here because I like to be sort of anonymous but I can’t help it. I’m too proud of my Halloween costume. I am Loki of Asgard. Kneel, bitches  

My 4yo just told the dog to “BE GONE, THOT! TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!”

Darling... Your passionate analytics and seamless integration of sustainability and storytelling help me to downsize my enterprise. The knowledge you bring of offshoring opportunities, data mining collaboration and scalability pushes me to think outside of the box.

For that amount, I would provide it.

For $3200 I would be expecting an entirely different kind of cornhole.  

This is especially shitty for bi people, because she plays into the exact stereotypes that get us scorned by monosexuals in the queer community, not to mention how little straight people understand us anyway.