Is this a trope of the aughts teen angst cause neither did I.

And I didn’t make it through all the way, but I did click it against my better judgment. I don’t hate the message, but I’m not loving the messenger.

I’m going with “successful marketing tactic” because there is NO WAY I would have watched this video otherwise.

“‘hey, can you hide my mustache and take off my mole-hair ... those close-ups, you never know. So I just asked them to do that”

I worked with a woman whose sister ended up divorcing her husband because of solar power. (No shit, this was the jumping off point for them) Her mom and dad got solar panels on their house and their son-in-law announced that he was a “coal man for life” and stormed out. He then told his wife that no one would be going…

Yeah, but she followed it up with “bewigged Sunny Delight bottle,” which is great.

Any way to make that apartment airtight? Asking for a friend.

I’m not one to criticize, but “malignant corn chip” is one of the weaker Trump-isms we’ve been treated to. Gotta rally, Anna; only six more months of this silliness!

If he’s going to put out an Executive Order to bring back old school Aquanet I may have to reconsider my stance (jk)

Maybe his apartment does have a perfect seal preventing his hairspray from entering the environment; Trump breathing in those chemicals every day would certainly explain a lot.

jacques pépin makes a chocolate honeycomb pistachio bark that looks an awful lot like that deuce.

maybe t-pain’s a fan?

Of course he’s texting buddies with Trump.

Did you see the bit on Full Frontal where Sam showed Cruz talking about the trans gender bathroom issues and of course he supports the birth certificate bathroom law “because he has two young daughters and doesn’t want to think about some man stalking in the bathrooms and doing God knows what”.

To her therapist

High-maintenance friends are the worst! I bet Kasich says things like “You never call me first, I always have to call youuuu!” and “If you were really my friend you’d come to all my rallies.” in a whiney baby voice.

I am utterly convinced that his older daughter straight up hates him. She’s always the one vocally trying to get away from him or saying things that are very unhelpful for Cruz. I’m hoping that in college she comes out as a guns metaphorically blazing liberal.

True, but coming from the former Speaker of the House, a staunch republican leader, and scourge of progress everywhere this is sweet, sweet music. He’s a few sentences away from saying aloud his party is fucked and they fucked up in giving people like Cruz a platform. It’s like the sound of a huge implosion and angels…

But -500 points for being, Boehner.

Seriously, John Boehner doesn’t use a bronzer—he doesn’t tan either—he is just saturated with bourbon.