I hope she wins & he haunts his family.

omg saying ‘basics’ will be wearing lilly when lp is a sunny day basic bitch staple

This is relevent to my life experiences!

I’m a lawyer, and at the time of this incident was practicing in several fairly small and rural Southern counties. I’d been out of law school for 2 or 3 years, long enough to be tired of the crap I would fairly regularly get from some older male lawyers. I had a trial in the neighboring county, and my opposing counsel…

I... Still do that pretty regularly. But only when drunk, and to my boyfriend. (“You should probably have a glass of water” “your mom should have a glass of water”)

I don’t know if this is better or worse for being at a Renaissance Faire, but here goes!

So there was this guy who would always sexually harass me on my way home from work. I’d get off the train and walk by this auto repair shop. This motherfucker didn’t even work at the shop — the shop owner described him as a “parasite” who loitered outside of the shop trying to buy up junkers and always hollering at…

Someone flashed me and one of my friends when we were buying slurpees, she looked at him and then yelled “ lets kill him!” and we chased him down the street with his dick flapping around.

I mentioned this a few weeks ago, but in the slight chance that everyone isn’t subscribed to my witty repartee...We were having an introductory conference call with my new boss. She asked everyone to announce their name before they spoke. One woman is quite a brown-noser and never stops talking. She started a comment…

Being British and studying in the US, I acquired the rather unimaginative nickname ‘England’. I was sitting in my dorm room with my new boyfriend and a (finger)blast from the past, and the blast from the past casually mentions that we banged, and looks to the boyfriend for a reaction. Boyfriend’s jaw twitches a…

I was with some friends in a bar and this douche started hitting on my friend and being a real dick about it. She was trying to be polite about it, but I didn’t feel any such obligation. So I whispered something in her ear about him and she laughed. He saw it and replied, “If you’re mad that I’m talking to your friend…

My 16-year-old sister looks a little bit older so she occasionally gets hit on by boys in their early 20s. At one point, this one sorry fellow tried to convince her that “age is just a number,” to which she quickly retorted, “a prison cell is just a room.”

Jeepers. I would definitely wait in line for that.

This sick mom burn is excellent.

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

Many years ago, as I stood in line at the (University) gym to be issued gym clothes, a student in front of me told the attendant he needed a “medium jock strap with a large cup.” The attendant immediately came back with “Why? Are you trying to leave room for your hand?”

Me: God, all you do is bitch moan and complain. I don’t even have any girlfriends that complain as much as you do!

My then-roommate and I were at a bar and a guy came up to her and said in the most cheesy, oily voice you can imagine, “Hey, just to save some time: how would you like your eggs in the morning?”

Ooh, this one will be fun! The first story coming to my mind is one I have told on here before, but I’m sure it will be new to most of you:

Because I, like most people, perspire a lot more in my sleep than I ever would have thought possible, given that I never seem to feel overtly sweaty, just pull everything back and let it air while I shower and eat breakfast, at which point I yell, “GUMMITCH, YOU WANNA HELP ME MAKE THE BED?”