I don't watch Iowa elementary school basketball any more since they never call travelling.

In fairness, it's not entirely unprecedented for an athlete to have an intruder waiting for him in the bathroom.

Y'all misunderstood. She was trying to burgle his heart.

3:46 p.m.: Manti's parents are out.

The transcript shows that the "never really crossed my mind" quote is referring specifically to after the accident, before he claims the "relationship" intensified. But, it's still implausible he couldn't he couldn't find a single weekend in 5 months to visit the girl he was in love with. Notre Dame isn't going to…

Hear, hear.

Oh Jesus, it's the Penn State truthers all over again.

5 minutes later -

Easy call. When choosing between two dangerous, crime-ridden corrupt states, choose the one with a Robocop.

If you think you were annoyed by this confusing word choice, you should have seen how pissed off Roethlisberger was walking away with his ice skates slung over his shoulder.

Warren Moon topped out at 16.8 yards a game rushing in 16 NFL seasons. I wonder what reason people could possibly have for citing him as dual-threat quarterback.

In Soviet Russia, football sucks at Cardinals!

Someone needs to go to "Bracket Design 101." Should have used play-ins instead of byes.

I'm not sure which is funnier: Moore running the wrong direct, or the Bronco rushing to tackle him.

Actually, the most implausible part: how does their conversation about Natty Ice v. Keystone not include him bitching to her about his idiot friend Joe buying Keystone earlier that same night?

That would have been futile. Who would ever believe that a college student would have cheap beer in his fridge that a friend had purchased?

"Genius strategy, Jamie! How much money does the team get for each one of them tweets?"

Yeah, the NCAA sucks, but were you expecting them to say "everything we stand for as an institution is bullshit, so rather than punishing Penn State we have decided to disband and give universities a fresh start in finding the proper balance between athletics and academics"? Assuming the NCAA was going to continue to…

"While it would have been of greater benefit 10 years ago, we are grateful that a member of the Paterno family has finally spoken out on our behalf and confident that the family will continue to keep our best interests in mind."

Rick Reilly sanctimoniously taking the uncontroversial position that the uncontroversial position he sanctimoniously took for 25 years is wrong is the Rick Reillyist thing ever.