Cuervo doesn’t deserve to be called tequila.

You reach into a toilet and you think standing to wipe is disgusting?

The NYC train story deserves a Pulitzer.

Indian wedding one: at one point she calls him her husband, and at another she calls herself his girlfriend. I know I'm likely an asshole, but this drives me insane. WHICH IS IT?

I was out one night with some buddies when a couple of girls walk in the bar. My friend decides he wants to pursue on of the ladies and I agreed to wingman with the other one. Neither one was bad looking and they agreed to let us buy them shots. They chose Tequila, I’ll tell you right now, Tequila does not settle well…

Great fat jokes too, you fat fuck.

Go fuck yourself. Americans have not been raised in that type of lifestyle, and you damn well know it. We’re not saying people can’t carry a jug around a while, but in our modern lifestyle where our only jobs AREN’T carry jugs of water on our head, it is not realistic to expect the populace of a first-world country to…

Fuck off

He’s right, if the federal government was put in charge of the problem it would be fixed. I’m so tired of this American Libertarian anti government attitude that dominates the internet. The free market won’t fix this, micro government - drown it in a bath tub conservatives created this.

Sure he deserved some head...

I’ve edited this story in my mind so the mom fucks him in the Country squire at the train station.

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I’m glad I only skimmed this one. This is one of those stories that is told in a bar and goes like this:

I want you to know, that I DID listen to Radar Love as instructed, at the right time. It made this fantastic article that much better. Thank you for this.

I used to make sweet love to the girl who was dressed as Cinderella at Disney (one of the four Cinderellas). Before you ask, quite obviously I made her wear her outfit.

Sometimes Silver Man went to dark places.

Imagining that pit bull with lipstick

I think she’s a horrible public speaker, especially when not receiving lots and lots of coaching. I wouldn’t necessarily leap to the conclusion of brain injury or stroke.

The guy squatting in the Smith machine is still more embarrassing.

In fairness, Ted Cruz does need two watches. One tells the time. The other counts down the days until he assumes the mantle of the Antichrist and opens a portal to the depths of Hell, through which the forces of Satan will emerge to torment mankind and bring about the End of Days.