I had a similar issue after a stoned afternoon's gorge on a tub of Red Vines. Only, it wasn't three days, it was a single horrifying, bright red bowl-filling. I was about to break down in tears when I remembered the previous day's folly.

They'll have to mic up his ass. I'm ok with that.

There are dozens of us!

If it’s the notorious foul tempered anti-Semitic Elmo, you're lucky there were no fisticuffs.

Belle at Disneyland circa 1994 was just what the doctor ordered for my 16 year old fantasy life.

Right. One should also keep in mind that she's a fucking imbecile who is trying to be witty. That tends to make people come off somewhat unnaturally - kind of like a dog trying to walk upright while wearing people shoes and pants.

Soylent.

If only there were some middle ground...

You’ve clearly never seen the carnage a middle American family can do at a Hometown Buffet.

Only one way to find out!

It's pronounced "jerbs."

I believe that's known as "damning with faint praise."

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up! Is there really a Shake Shack that sells onion rings?! I must go there!

Try clicking the number below the star rather than the star itself.

The best part of that first one is that prior to just then, the baby was crying, but upon being handed to the president, totally chilled out. Hence, the amazed look on Michelle's face.

Pancreas? No, wait...pudendum? No, that’s probably not it either. Pearly whites? Pinky? Shit, just let me think a minute. I'll get it...

Right? "Hey, man! Fuck that guy writing that bullshi...wait a minute. What's that mean?"

“Maybe she thought God would take care of it...” Well that’s no stupider than the horseshit Candace and her brother think about God, so why not?

Unless you looked really sketchy, she probably would have. As much as flying with a crying baby sucks for other passengers, it super sucks for the baby’s parents. I remember a cross-country trip with my two daughters, one of whom was two and the other of whom was five-ish months old. The little one was not having it…

Considerably less crumbly, though, thankfully.