I think Fieri needs to place a pressure release valve in his public persona, so that people feel less inclined to piss on him. Like, if on one episode of “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives” out of every fifteen or so, someone would give him a hard open-hand slap across the face and shout “get the fuck out of my kitchen…

I don't actually have a toaster - I use a toaster oven - but based on my recollection, it always seemed to me that crumbs were at the bottom. But, I'll take the word of anyone who has to be way more careful about it than me.

Do crumbs from other bread actually get on the currently-toasting bread? It's tough for me to imagine this.

They were selected for their ignorance. Can’t have them getting informed on the set.

He's going to go on "Intervention" now, right?

They also didn’t mention how many day a week or hours a day that $18k gets you. I paid about $11k in (a goddamned wonderful) preschool in Brooklyn, but we only got two days a week out of it.

You're half right. Include personal emails and, while we're at it, all other modes of communication and you're all the way there.

OK, I’m going to unpack the original joke for you because you are evidently not sharp enough to grasp it on your own. “It’s been a while since I read the Bible, but this Christ fella sounds like a real dick” is a joke based on the idea that the Christ of the Bible is clearly not a real dick, but the people who…

Sure, whatever. But I'm funny. Super cute, too, actually. And my ability to grasp jokes is unparalleled.

I don’t know a whole lot about Muhammad, but what I hear from his followers makes him sound like a real piece of shit too, actually. Not that it's relevant, but since you asked...

Yeah! The fuck’s wrong with being in a hurry to get off anyway? Sometimes you've got other shit to do.

Thread’s over friends! You just got “Wayne’s World” burned. That retort had to come here all the way from the early ‘90’s in a time machine, so pack it in because y'all obviously lost. Better luck next time and well played, The Formula!

It's been a while since I read the Bible, but this Christ fella sounds like a real dick.

Actually, it's just fine for him to state his ridiculous beliefs. Intelligent, well-meaning people don't have to agree with them and are free to voice their disagreement, but he can state what he believes all goddamned day long. In fact, it's better if he does, so there's no question about what a shitheel he is.

It's like the trophy-defiling EGOT!

I didn’t read it as the woman fitting it inside.

Bonus: There is a 100% chance that this is someone's fetish.

I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what they were laughing at. Like, even if this interview went precisely as they were hoping it would, what the hell were they aiming for?

“Suri? Suri. You’re being very suppressive right now, OK? I don’t know if it’s some engram acting out or what, but you need to dial in your perceptics and stop pooping in your diaper.”

I think you mean "who rang?"