You know, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say this is not a true story.

Just pretend you’re Will Graham and the President is Francis Dolarhyde: HE NEEDS TO SHOW ME THE NEGATIVE SO I CAN UNDERSTAND THE POSITIVE

Well if I could think of one way to describe Barack Obama, it’s “the guy who is lazier than Donald Trump”.

Also Trump replaces all of Obama’s first-person pronouns with “many people are saying” that something is “a beautiful tremendous” or a “total disaster”?

How many times do you think Obama paused while writing this letter, sighed deeply, and stared into space for several long, unblinking moments?

I don’t tell you enough how much I appreciate your gimmick. That is some primo “middle schooler gratuitously dropping their age while talking about how mature they are to a group of adults they hope to impress but are actually weirded out by the fact that they’re technically hanging out with a child” shit right there.

P.S. TAYLOR SWIFT KANYE WEST BEYONCE

Hey, I don’t give a shit about this article or its content. If I had a choice, I would not click on it. But now that we’re on Kinja, with its BEAUTIFUL ELEGANT endless scrolling list approach to organization, I have to look at this stupid bullshit anyway, and I actively resent the AV Club for pulling this shit.

Why would that matter? Are you seriously attempting to use the Constitution to argue AGAINST natural rights? Is it truly possible a human being can miss the point that hard?

You know how we’re all getting on Fox News viewers for interpreting and responding to things based on vague emotions when, if we’re being totally honest, you and I do the same thing?

At some point you know Trump had a conference call with Steve Bannon and Roger Stone where he was like “Hey, I became President and the pit of loneliness and existential despair that consumed my entire identity decades ago is still growing. Got any foolproof advice on how to make everyone on earth love you…

Right, but there’s “coincidence”, and there’s “Night King leading Jaime, Cersei, Bran, Jon, Dany, Ellaria, and Gendry in a synchronized performance of Aimee Man’s ‘Wise Up’ as the first frogs of winter fall”.

You know the story about the serial killer that trapped a girl in a coffin and brutally tortured her for seven years? When she escaped, she made it to a train station with a ticket to her parents’ house. The girl’s would-be killer found her and collapsed into a pathetic heap in public, falling to his knees and begging…

THERE IS NO GOD BUT GOD

This is starting to feel like Tripoli circa February 12th, 2011

Speaking of the opposite of easy clicks, I think Kinja put you in purgatory by mistake.

It doesn’t work.

Yeah, even in Burbank Little Caesars was a go-to pizza place if your needed pizza that was cheap, fast, and open late.

Scrappybilly: SOMEONE REPLIED TO YOUR COMMENT. NOW GO OUT AND FIND IT. ALSO, YOU HAVE TO SCROLL THROUGH 800 STORIES ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT AND KANYE WEST, SO HAVE FUN WITH THAT.

This is really, really old news. I first went to “Kid Rock’s restaurant” about three years ago.