Aaron Hernandez chose both.

He was fined $93 AND got sent to Florida?! Penalties are getting so much harsher than they have to be.

This is the most conflicted I’ve ever been over a post. Syrup: good take. Heinz: good take. Leaving ketchup *out* of the fridge YOU SICK FUCK.

Thick towel and the semen is virtually gone. Its goopiness is actually its saving grace. Vomit always involves multiple stages of cleanup, disinfection, and deodorization.

I love Pop, and I have to believe that he hates hearing the well meaning “Popovich 2020” sentiments. Because he is smart, and knows that we are dumb, and in a post Trump world, we might actually actually elect Greg Popovich instead of somebody who actually knows more about this particular job.

he’s too busy donating a literal million dollars, and his time, to organizations that do real, good work.

Conservatives: “We hate blacks, Muslims, women, the poor, unions, GLBT, and basically anyone who doesn’t fit into into our vision of what America should be.

I could watch him all dei, for that mater.

It’s really not that tough to figure out why, is it....?

It looks like neither of you know how to spell Voldemort

has now entered the badminton history books.

That’s the real story here. It’s a coin toss whether or not I can hit a birdie that gently floats over the net in my backyard.

Kudos to the other guy for at least making contact for a return. Those are some fast reflexes.

RIP Bob Denver.

Nah, that guy immediately realized he was an idiot and had done something dumb that made his life worse and cost him money. Trump voters are never going to figure that out, they’ll just keep blaming the liburuls.

What’s diabetes? Is that related to my diabeetus?

But it’s perfectly fine if it’s that bitch Clinton and her emails 10 days before the election ...right?

Jay: “Hey, Siri. Call DEA.”

No, we’re calling it a draw because Tomlin was adult enough to embrace criticism, and then shade him at the end.