Jordan,

“Doug Glanville already gave me one” is somehow the best comeback I have ever heard

Least surprising asshole by 1000 miles

Was riding an elevator with a massive hangover and Don Rumsfeld strolls in. After the doors closed I ripped a nasty beer fart, looked at Rummy and said “There’s a weapon of mass destruction that even you could find, asshole”.

Not even a petty celebrity story, but it’s the only one I have, so I’ll share it since it’s super awkward:

It’s good to see that a league that allows this to be on the field is so concerned about the fashion sense its players exhibit.

Relevant. For multiple reasons.

“Pros and Cons” is what all publicly financed stadiums should be called.

What’s especially useful about you guys is that you make it so easy to spot you.

Hey hey, whoa now. Calling neo-nazis “Fecal-Americans” is a disservice to fecal matter. Manure is actually beneficial to the world.

obligatory 2 minutes for ruffing

Why is this bomb different from all the others?

The worst thing about a Mazel Tov cocktail is having to light all nine fuses before throwing it.

+1 should’ve stopped at “Chanukah Lewinsky”, you greedy half-brilliant bastard.

She went on to blame Hillary for Bill’s past infidelities, including his affair with Chanukah Lewinski and rumored misconduct with PauL’Chaim Jones.

Ironically, there are probably a lot of white Vikings fans who are right now wishing he had just taken a knee.

Amateur hour. Lee Elia knew how to let loose:

Donald Trump slapped his second-most slappable son, who was wearing a Yankees shirt at the time?

Still blows my mind that incorrigible means the exact opposite of encourageable, even though they’d be pronounced exactly the same.

November of 2012. Any real football fan knows that, bro.