I assume Trump would have used it as cause to fire Mueller and transfer the investigation to someone else. He won’t care if the Democrats are outraged at the hypocrisy: he’ll just say their objections are proof they don’t care about sexual assault. Also, he could then claim the FBI has a vendetta against him, which…

They never work for me either :( I assume it’s a problem with the site, since it seems like there have been technical issues ever since Univision bought it. 

Me too :(. I thought they had a really nice relationship. Way better than the guy she was seeing before who threatened to post revenge porn of her

Have you tested whether it’s only bad dancing? Maybe if you took him to the ballet he’d be silently transfixed, one tear rolling down his cheek as he gazed in wonder

My dogs understand my pointing and also have their own dog method of pointing. They make eye contact look for a second then look deliberately at whatever they want me to be looking at.

Dogs should be allowed to run for office

You FilthyWhore! (good job)

They still do if you ask for them but they’re not mentioned on the menu for health reasons. (I have no kids but my 62 year-old dad wanted to collect all the Rainforest animals so I helped him on his noble quest with copious McD’s orders)

I was a college student when I took my first Anatomy & Physiology course. The way the arm and shoulder bones connected seemed so tenuous to me that I cringed inwardly every time I had to raise my arms up. And fearing any tendon being cut seems eminently reasonable to me

Now I’m kind of afraid of that...

Your aunt was obviously torturing you. No way a reasonable person would think hiding bugs all over the house would *decrease* a fear of bugs. And I hate cicadas too. They always seem like they’re in the process of dying, but never quite die.

Akitas are great! They don’t bark so are good for neighbors, and are like living with minibears. 

This is probably also the best way to end global warming and the threat of nuclear annihilation. I’m on board. Let the raccoons inherit the earth!

Now you know you can just ask Beyoncé 

Your apology is not accepted

... Really fucking dumb?

God, that stuff is delicious. Tho my absolute favorite is the Belgian Chocolate. It’s addictive

What is their basis for objecting to vasectomies? Some kind of MRA thing? Do they think the world will run out of sperm? 

The ironic thing about blocking and ignoring certain people is that nothing makes emotionally unhealthy people more desperate to get your attention. I bet going incommunicado with this boyfriend will make him suddenly eager to hang out. Grey rocking can be so satisfying:)

Irby is the best. She also has a new book out, “We Are Never Meeting in Real Life”