I was really hoping/expecting something juicier, like Rand banging the neighbor’s wife AT LEAST. But as soon as I read that self-pitying detail about the neighbor’s burns I knew it was real. And this deeply petty story is actually way better than some lame married-people affair.

As your parents’ child, it is your responsibility to egg the neighbors. That is why people have children

This is a hard question bc the city is dirty and I hate being touched. Can I choose ‘neither’?

You have to go back to the bar and fight him, or at least leave a bad Yelp review

So... it’s the next day. Have you fought them yet or what? Make sure to mention I can’t do blockquotes anymore.

Good fuckin journalism dude. I’m uncomfortable commenting on deadspin without an insult, so you’re a cock, but still good work cuz otherwise I would’ve believed the article’s edit. Cock

My friends used to do the side-by-side arm thing too, like oh congrats, you’re tanner than me, the girl who never, ever tans! Big win for you! I agree this trend needs freckles all over to really be authentic, and then maybe someday our friends will do the side-by-side arm thing and weep bitterly at the sight of their…

That’s what I thought... every time you pull one of these out for yourself, you have to distribute flavor ices or whatever they’re called to the kids. Much better to just keep a bottle of vodka in the freezer to take periodic shots of

I starred you because it’s nice to know there’s at least one runner who doesn’t poop outside. Appreciated, sir or ma’am.

Just another confirmation that glasses are for nerds

A lot of judgment for a guy with a five year-old wife.

Yeah, that was Pruitt. There’s a million articles about it, this one in particular mentions the discrepancy between his claim of what he was renting, and what he actually got

This is the kind of journalism I come to Gizmodo for!

* on perpetuating more important social injustices

Yes, everybody knows that’s the real way to see into someone’s soul. Boatnecks mean you’re even-keeled, sweetheart necklines mean you’re kind and spangles mean you’re trash. I hope they let viewers see the rubric this year

I was hoping he at least fell down in a funny way, this clip sucked

So will I, but it will still not be justice until/unless the many people who enabled him are prosecuted to. Like the NY prosecutor who could have prevented lots of sexual assaults by bringing charges earlier

Apparently the NYPD wanted to arrest him but he paid (his lawyer “donated”) like 10 thousand to the prosecutor’s reelection fund and the prosecutor refused to file charges. He also did lots of other shady shit, like having the women followed by ex-Mossad agents and shunned in the industry. I won’t be happy until his…

“event for Eagles fans that seems to only consist of playing the national anthem and other patriotic tunes. Melania will not be attending”

Was is used in the first person singular (I) and the third person singular (he, she, it).