Who puts a photograph of someone in the bathroom? I don’t care if they’re long dead, I would still be embarrassed to poop in front of them. I have to cover the faces of people in magazines when I go. WHAT IF MAGIC IS REAL AND THEY CAN SEE ME? AND THEN SOME DAY I MEET THEM AND THEY’RE LIKE “OH GOD IT'S YOU."

Dear Ashley McMullen,

I should add: If you do rescue a dog, shop carefully. Because unlike what the author says, there are shitty dogs. A lot of them. (It may not be their fault that they’re shitty... but they are.)

Um, are you me? Because I grew up on Lizzie Mcguire and will love and defend Hilary Duff to my dying day.

If you have an open dislike of children, chances are you’re not going to be as patient with them when they act like children and not in a cute or funny way. Children are erratic, emotional, defiant, and in some cases extremely cruel. It takes patience, and lots of it, to work with them and (hopefully) correct bad…

“flatten that enormous stomach, what on earth have you been eating, do you even take the Oreos out of the bag first”

JESUS CHRIST IT WAS JUST THAT ONE TIME LEAVE ME ALONE

And if I say “Jared,” you think “Formerly Fat Subway Jared.”

hyperbole (noun) - exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally.

I imagine it to be something like a chia pet. Only hymen-y. “Huh-huh-huh-Hymen!”

One of my favourite sketches is the Hello M’Lady one. The youtube comment section of that video is full of male tears falling from fedora’d heads

fuck reddit

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

I can’t bring myself to read the entire description, but if I understand correctly:

I honestly cannot support anything that gives work or a platform to Candace Cameron Bure.

Candace is basically as terrible as her brother and shares most of the same, lunatic beliefs, she’s just a bit quieter about it.

I feel like my disdain for Kirk Cameron has bled onto ol’ Candace, and I’m not proud of that, but that has upped my skepticism of this whole thing.

That is going to hurt their kids in the long run. That gives me the sads. And of course the kids don’t know how to play without toys because they have no imagination. Because books do that for you.

Oh, honey, no, they can’t read.

Thank you for doing I Thee Dread. It has definitely given me some insight in helping my pals out with their weddings (I am in THREE. One in December. One in March. One in June.) It also has made me decide that I am going to elope when the time comes for me to get married.