I NEED A MOVIE OF THIS, PLEASE.

This is adorable. Also, bigots? This is what you’re SO AFRAID OF! These two sweet old guys are SO THREATENING, AMIRITE?

Woooo! It’s awesome to see good stories coming out of PA! Sometimes I think we’re the Florida of the north...

Mornin’ reverend! Just here for whorship.

This had already made my day, but then I noticed that it’s filed to “go fuck yourselves”...I bow down to your lack of fucks.

I bet this is a pretty calculated response from Santorum. I’m sure he must have seen the utter shit storm that Phukabees incurred after he defended that Duggar.

Crying children irritate me just as much as the next person, but the last time I checked, this is goddamn America, and I recognize your right to be on that plane, same as me. Having a child doesn’t mean you have to stop living your life and limiting where you go because your child might, I dunno, ACT LIKE WE ALL DID…

My husband and I got a complete meal for free once at...Applebees or Chilies, I forget which. We’d gotten a gift card for Xmas, so we went out a few days later. They were slammed, and our waiter forgot about us and clocked out. We waited for about 20 minutes. We were afraid to leave because we already had drinks, and…

Back in the mid 8o’s I worked at the restaurant in SOHO and the bass player from David Letterman lived upstairs, he came in almost everyday and was a zero tipper and would often leave without paying his check, (why the owner out up with his baloney?). Worst was when his large trashy family would come to visit him from…

You gave decaf to a customer who asked for coffee? You, sir, are America’s evillest villain. I’d rather have Murine.

yeah, you just don't do that. I waited tables at a Chilis when I was 18-19 and a table did that. They got all butthurt when I asked them to take the baby to the restroom. Now I'm 35 and my son is a year and a half old. I can't imagine ever being so disrespectful as to change him on a table in the dining area. Of…

I promise you that these are the same types of parents who believe that the whole world is their babysittter. The bathroom, with the changing table, is literally 20 feet away. There are two of you in the lobby. One of you can damned well pick up your little shitmaker, and change them in the bathroom, while the other…

Re: Amanda Sayles: GO YOU for telling this girl that the guy was a cheap bastard. These are the kind of things I wish I had known on so many first dates that may have saved me from a shitty second and third and fourth date... There is no bigger turnoff than shitty tippers.

It’s REALLY NOT. If you haven’t gotten the hang of carrying your baby around or changing them in a prescribed area? You aren’t ready to dine out.

Ha, what the absolute shit. Breastfeed a baby at a restaurant, I’ll fight for that because it’s no less unsanitary than anything else anyone else is eating. But diaper changes go to the bathroom like any other bowel-related actions! Especially if the kid’s a boy, cause they can just spray piss everywhere during a…

That is unsanitary and no, it is not that hard to take your child to the bathroom and change them. I had people do that on the outdoor tables where I worked before. Really? We would just cringe and stare when they did that.

When I finally left Starbucks, I emptied the hopper of caffeinated beans and filled it all to the brim with Decaf. I also set all the beepers for the morning shift (asshole manager) and hid them around the shop.

17 individual nuggets or 17 orders of X nuggets per order? Either way it’s fuckton of mangled and reconstituted chicken products.

All of the stories made me laugh, because I am a bad person. However, I will say that the bar mat shot and the eye drop trick can lose a business their liquor license, and the eye drop trick is regarded as aggravated assault, since one is, in essence, poisoning someone. Most eye drops don’t have that ingredient in it,…

When I worked at a craft beer/pizza joint a popular menu item was our calzones. These were huge, and made fresh to order and took a while to cook. Our menu made note of this and it was there in writing that it could take over half an hour depending on how busy we were.