Roller coasters are bad. I don’t know if this has to do with me being over 30 and having my vestibular whatsis all out of whack or what, but I took my kid on a little roller coaster at the zoo, like one for preschoolers, and they had to stop that thing and let me off. It was a slow day and we were the only people on…

Whoa that's scary. Glad they caught it early. That's amazing that the doctor was able to call it with such certainty. There really must be some kind of Lyme epidemic.

I got a wild hair one night to just start mixing stuff up in the kitchen, and figured I’d try to make some sort of fruit smoothie, or fruit sauce, or ... something. I really just decided to throw a bunch of stuff in a blender and see what happened.

I've been drunk all afternoon because I'm unemployed because of grad school.

I have a sushi story too. In grad school there was a dopy “I’ve traveled all over the world because my daddy paid for it and is paying for me to do this now too” shithead a year or two ahead of me, who liked to brag that he held the most sushi roles eaten in one sitting record for the department we were in. His record…

My girlfriend in college dared me to eat a whole nug of wasabe once. She dangled the promise of something freaky in bed if I could keep it down so I hard swallowed the whole thing. She had to drive us home and I puked out the window shortly after leaving. You’re grandpa is a tough son of a bitch.

A roommate of mine once ate what she thought was jalapeno flavored queso dip right from a jar. I felt really bad telling her that it was a jar of regular flavored queso that another roommate, who had moved out six months earlier, had left behind and that the green spots were mold, not jalapenos.

As a kid, I loved fruit leather, but referred to them as fruit roll-ups. I also was a hyper-active maniac, so I was generally going through life with skinned knees and elbows.

Greatest Generation. He’ll never let the Jap[anese] get the better of him.

Some kinda gif of vomiting goes here. Did your wife remain married to you?

My 80-year-old grandpa was out with a lady friend and decided to get some sushi. A few minutes into dinner, he saw the wasabi and thought it was some sort of avocado dish. He proceeded to scoop the entire thing and eat it. Before he realized what it was, he had already swallowed it. He said for the next 30 minutes he…

I did the same thing with a lemon meringue pie on the 5th of July once.

My ex-girlfriend made pasta and was grating what she thought was parmesan cheese on top. It was only after we started to eat the pasta did we learn that she had grated white chocolate leftover from Easter. The fact that this block of “cheese” was in the shape of a headless rabbit apparently escaped her notice.

I had a spacey friend in high school who had gone to an Italian restaurant and been served bread and olive oil for the first time. She became obsessed with it, and one night we were at another friends house and she came down the stairs eating the very same concoction, or so we thought. Upon entering the kitchen, I…

Once at my cousin’s wedding, after a few beers during the cocktail hour, I made my way over to a bowl of what I thought were Wasabi peanuts. After popping a couple in my mouth, I realized it was a bowl for Olive pits. Awesome. Killed all the germs with copious amounts of alcohol.

Not long after my wife and I got married, I found myself alone in the apartment with no food except for the remains of weeks-old birthday cake. I sat in the dark watching TV and ate it, and was surprised at how moist it still was after all that time. The wife came home from work after a while and turned on the lights,…

When I was about 9 I decided I wanted to make some brownies by myself, I had a box of Betty Crocker brownie mix and I start making it. Well, at some point I realized that we didn’t have any oil, we did however have a bottle of italian salad dressing. In my mind, I thought using the oil from the salad dressing was a…

Oh - I got this won.

When making egg salad once, I realized after I had already boiled the eggs that I was out of mayo. I elected to try using Caesar dressing instead.