Drake: I’m going to be the most dislikable courtside presence ever!

It’s time like this when Donald Sterling misses being a minority owner.

I’m glad he didn’t include the picture where he’s fucking the pancake.

A person demonstrably knows nothing about Toronto if they believe the Toronto John Candys was a joke.

This story really illustrates how rich people live in a different version of America from the rest of us.

an unfair advantage in that area which makes this person not even really fit the biological definition of female

At least they died doing what they loved: trying not to die.

Plus his name is an anagram for “Cake Alarm” which is pretty awesome.

The Warriors gave up a 31-point lead?

[Rob Thomas looks at the score]

When I die, I want my obituary to read about how I had all the time in the world to extort people of money that I then used to insulate my shitty children from the harsh realities of hard work, instead of having any time to teach my kids about the value of hard work.

This happens more than you'd think. More so among National League owners who refuse to employ designated hitters.

“See! A lonely man with pre-game jitters paying for a hand job isn’t so bad after all, is it?”

To really put the duration of this contract into perspective, when it expires, R. Kelly will try to have sex with it.

Pretty glad they decided to do this.  I’m a Caps fan but I can admit that Ovi has been let off easy for some sketchy and dangerous stuff.  Superstars need to be punished the same as scrubs 

Duchene despised playing for Roy so he and Torts should get along swimmingly.

Totally missed the opportunity to rearrange the letters into ANAL TIN POT.

UPDATE: Got a great deal on a hotel room through Priceline!

Wizards are going to have to declare a national emergency to pay his contract.