Yes, it’s Mike Mayock! The football sensation that’s sweeping the nation! Only $14.95 at participating stores! Get one today!

I’m honestly a little impressed that the Raiders have been able to surprise me with their new levels of incompetence. Fining a talented player over something stupid and then suspending him for being mad about the fines is just a beautifully innovative new way to suck as an organization.

I have been a fan of the Raiders since 1994. They have made the playoffs 4 times in the last 25 years. in 2000 Tony Siragusa jumped on Rich Gannon’s arm on purpose to knock him out of the AFC Championship game, Bobby Hoying was not the answer against the greatest defense ever. in 2001 Tom Brady fumbled and they…

I love that name, especially combined with the product specific logos of animals in disguises.

Andreescu is suuuuper serious...

!!! this is nuts!! if deadspin has to stick to sports more now i demand this be one of the sports stuck to

“Mine!” -Kempf

*murdered by Portland Timbers fans* 

“Suck up and kick down” is the republican/fascist personality archetype.

Kansas City fans went through the entire steroid without having a player eclipse the immortal Steve Balboni’s club record of 36 home runs. A record that was occasionally reached before the all-star break by other players, had been more than doubled by Barry Bonds. The shame of this stat was overbearing. We sheepishly…

Jorge Soler is Spanish for Brady Anderson.

The announcer sounds like what my dog would be like.

JoJo: BoJo a Bozo

“Wow! That’s all I ever wanted!” -The Go-Go’s

He apparently told cops he pulled his pants down during the WSOP because he had lost a bet.

That thing is rad. Way cooler than the chocolate-eating mouse that was in my apartment Friday night and in the dumpster Saturday night. Spotted him as I was getting ready for bed, investigated, and found out he’d chewed in to a package of lindt truffles and eaten half of one. Those are my sea salt truffles, you…

I can see that my work here is done.

New England’s most famous exports are racism (the sneaky systemic kind), clam chowder (the good kind), Dunkin’ (which sucks shit) and Barstool Sports. Get fucked, Massholes

as entertaining as watching an feather-haired old man get a handjob. 

A #6 combo (two chalupas, a crunchy taco, and a troth of Dr. Pepper/Baja Blast) is a warm hug in this cold, cold world.