His name is Cooper and he grows up to repeatedly commit return fraud at Walmart. Also, he votes for a YouTube personality for president in 2028.

That kid's name? Lance Armstrong.

You can not say with 100% certainty that they wouldn’t have!

i should have just stayed in bed, i’m not going to be of any use to anyone

#15 John Baron. Where have I heard that name before?

Oh for fucks sake. I was going to just save all of my frustration to unleash on today’s Why Your Team Sucks (Bears) and then move on with my fucking life. Had a little plan to get some work done, think of a few things that have been gnawing at my soul since that fucking missed kick and then welcome all the “haha go…

That kid had learned that reaction when his dad, on “his Wednesday damn it,” sat down only to find out that they got “the only damn pregnant waitress in this whole Hooters."

This “Nick Castellanos” character is Kyrie Irving’s best disguise yet.

To be fair, randomly experimenting on soldiers is a proven method for creating superheroes. 

I’m looking forward to the Guardians-Defenders game, where each team just squats in front of their end zone glaring at each other. 

Then how do you explain NBA players being able to dunk without being lit on fire?

As someone raised on Mario Tennis, I blame it on the distinct lack of available Power Shots.

That is because the MON-STARS are responsible for the biggest non-Atlanta related chokejob in the history of sports.

This is a Wildcat.  This is what all of these teams are named after. It’s just a slightly bigger outside cat.  That’s it.  Just a fucking kinda bigger cat.  So what, it can maybe suffocate a slightly larger and stronger baby?  How has this little shit become the default name for teams that aren’t original enough to…

Pretty sure they just lifted the team names from Atari’s Cyberball.

This gives me hope that one day the world will be exactly like Demolition Man

HE HATE TEAMS

What does “Taco Bell” as a lifestyle brand say about you?  You like to get high and eat tacos?

It’s not white, so as a piece of shit racist I hate it. 

He cooled down.