He was butt

The clip is only 57 seconds long, but the ball’s recording device recorded 18 hours of static while it was in right field.

Whett Thudd is actually an undrafted linebacker out of Appalachian State who stands a good shot at making the Raiders’ 53-man roster.

I got drunk once and took too much sushi I would have had to pay for. So I stuffed it all wrapped in napkins, in my pockets. Then I promptly forgot I did that and went through the whole afternoon and evening, out drinking, with sushi in my pockets. It was horrible. 

Two squirrels in a row. Tomorrow's game will be invaded by a gray squirrel

Zeke who?

Thank god this stupid shit is over and I can return to thinking about the color of Jon Gruden’s face

No way does a storm trooper actually throw a pitch into the strike zone.

Cat should be named Jeffrey Lemeowski if he hates the fucking eagles

Last guy could have named his cat Kitty Purry, and if nothing else, he would have dominated the star count at Jezebel’s “Saturday Night Social” thread.

You millennials, always stuck on the latest new things.

I’m 34 and can’t tell if I’m just turning into the “get off my lawn” type of person. Please tell me I’m being rational.

It was really hard for the cops to complete the paperwork on Dotel as he has changed drug cartels over a dozen times since retiring from the MLB.

It is nice to see professional players invest back into their community.

I’m ok with this. Robert DeNiro used his good name and decades of earned credibility to sucker millions of hardworking Americans into paying for tickets to several of his movies that came out in the 21st century. I still haven’t forgotten Showtime. Or Godsend. Or Hide and Seek. Or Shark Tale. All of those happened…

I mean, if you’re gonna unfurl a ‘Trump 2020’ flag somewhere, you might as well do it where the people there are so stupid they went to an Orioles game in August.

“he choked his cheerleader girlfriend Maddy so badly that she had his handprints bruised onto her neck and only managed to sneak his way out of trouble by framing a perfectly innocent man for rape and demanding he confess to the abuse while planting a witness who he was blackmailing.”

Thank you for remaining laser-focused on sports. 

“They forget you've gotta win," said the Cleveland Browns quarterback.

Plot twist.