I occasionally refer to chicken as tuna of the barnyard and my husband and son have no idea what I mean as I laugh at how funny I am.
A better approach would be to burn the house down. When the investigators ask why you did it just say snakes and collect that sweet insurance cheque.
I have literally emerged from the shower and realized I have forgotten to shave an entire leg
Yeah...really fucking dark. That way you could make him stick his dick in the neck of an empty Coke bottle filled with chicken livers and we would think he was getting the real thing. Your only problem afterwards is figuring out how to safely dispose of a coke bottle filled with chicken livers and some Mooch jizz.
Bang him with what?
Yes! Let’s get Cousin Eddy in on this for some added perspective.
Dang. Cows that produce human milk? I spent two years breastfeeding when I could have been drinking coffee, guzzling wine, eating tacos and wearing pretty bras instead of giant cow udder bras stuffed with absorbent pads? Where were these cows then???
I don’t think there’s more mental illness than there was a 100 years ago but I do think this is the first time in history that batshit loons like Alex Jones and Speidi! can have a large following because of the fucking internet. I mean, we have a president with serious personality disorders; these people are being…
The saddest part is that they think they’re smarter than the rest of us.
Just needs Randy Quaid and you got a real party
It’s going to be (yet another) spectacular train wreck when Kelly comes in and starts thinking he can run it like a military outfit. Really, if it wasn’t for the fact that these a**clowns are running our government (into the ground), it would be some hilarious and amazing spectacle. As it is, I’m not sure whether to…
Oh, but he is involved! He’s sending his prayers! And, as we know, Republican prayers are the same as actually doing something.
Well, that’s certainly true. I wish I could remember the article i read, (The Atlantic? The Post?) where a reporter detailed how the national political press has started to function as a kind of Confessional corps for folks working in the White House. It was remarkable.
The bar for human behavior has been lowered beneath the Earth’s core by these people.
It is like Christmas, except that Christmas only comes once a year, while, apparently, this stuff now happens to them all the time.
My favorite thing was when Lizza revealed that he had, of course, taped the conversation since that is Journalism 101, Scaramucci tried to float the idea that that was illegal wiretapping.
I like to imagine myself being Ryan Lizza. Like that call - how many of those are you going to get in your career? And you can’t be giddy or flabbergasted. You just have to hold it together somehow. That’s like journalist Christmas.
Of course he did. Why would he waste time on a little non-event like the birth of his child when he could have a front-row seat to an aspiring fascist dictator indoctrinate children?