I had to smoke it, and now I’m pretty sure I have gained about 10 lbs since the election, but I’m afraid to waddle to the scale to find out!

High school ref!

Jesus H Christ, that was exquisitely bad. I am shame squirming for us all!

Not to mention the plane crash that I am always convinced will happen. I have to fly buzzed, or I will cry the whole way.

She’s not Inspector Gadget, for Chrissakes!

I only ever use it to time stuff.

My microwave would have a zillion pictures of the side of my refrigerator, interspersed with the occasional shot of me putting something in/taking something out, and bitching because it’s hot. Scintillating stuff!

I think he meant he wants all of the white folk to start inbreeding like crazy, so their mentally challenged babies will vote Republican forever!

Man the barricades! Vive la France!

I used to live in southeast Georgia. Those bastards tore up my lawn all the time. I used to chase them off with a broom, but they always came back. I had the tastiest mole crickets in town!

Throw the Holy Hand Grenade!

I am a princess and a ballerina!

It said it’s on the same level as eating shrimp. I’m sure you have never done anything as sinful as that! And if course, all of that bullshit is in the whack ass old testament, which also claims that people lived to be 900 years old, and built a boat that held two of every type of animal on earth. The new testament,…

Look them dead in the eye and call them yinz. They will be terrified.

I want to watch this desperately, but fuck that stupid cunt.

There are no good religions for women.

My Grandfather and his siblings spoke Gaelic in whispers for years even after they emigrated to this country because it was fucking illegal for them to speak their own language in their own country.

1984

I’d rather spend my golden years in the Keith Richards retirement home.

I know. I live in Birmingham, in a great neighborhood with wonderful progressive people, but the rest of the state can eat a giant bag of dicks!