Asked if he intended to hit Shaq that hard, Dennis III pleaded the V.

Andy Dalton: "I still can't believe I'm here. I mean, the Pro Bowl? Me?! It's crazy. Wait, what was the question again? Oh yeah, Beast Mode. He's super good. In fact, I bet he'd be here too if he wasn't in the Super Bowl. 'He'd be here too'. That sounds insane. I'm at the Pro Bowl. Me! Andy Dalton!"

Point-One-Six Guard.

Too much Tanqueray and Tab.

It amazes me that this kind of stuff keeps happening to pro athletes. They are multi-millionaires easily have the resources to avoid these kinds of unfortunate situations. I mean, really, bowling???

Meanwhile, Packer fans are still waiting for Mike McCarthy's balls to show up.

God throwing interceptions is not a huge stretch. This is the same guy who locked in on The Virgin Mary and never even looked at another receiver.

The 1929 stock market watched the end of the game and was like, "Now that was a fucking collapse."

Antoinette Bannister: 1.4 PPG, 0.7 RPG, 18.9% APR.

Clearly, he's uncomfortable covering distances longer than a yard or two.

Fox News analyst Sarah Palin addressed the role of television in the low attendance projections by claiming, "I can see it from my house."

I can't even imagine having to live with that thing for the rest of my life.

This is risky. If he's not careful, his mouth will go numb, he'll no longer be able to make R sounds and he'll talk like a fucking moron for the rest of his life.

1. Are you a fan of the New England Patriots? Yes __ No __

Carr: [sees headline about the Raiders hiring Jack Del Rio]

Skiba: [checks himself]

The bigger shock would've been if Long actually blocked someone.

Ironically, when you put ducks in prison, they just have regular sex.

It's safe to say that Puddles was the most offensive thing about Oregon last night.