I'm a Celtic day-wraith with invisible eyebrows and eyelashes. But for my filling in with powder, my transparent brows give me the look of a boiled egg. Trust me, it's better that I fill them. For your own mental health.

Whatever i'm still waiting for the long curly black hair growing out of your chin that you don't notice for 6 months to come into style.

Don't even trust the rubber duckie in your bath. YOU NEVER KNOW.

I don't think she hired interns, I think she hired all of the old J Peterman Catalog workers.

clearly, you just never knew how to properly shop at Abercrombie/Hollister.

Jesus Christ, I'm glad I'm beyond the age where I idiotically thought that having sex with strangers made me cool, adult, and sexually liberated.

It's called a Brower.

17. Do you literally think you're better than most other people?

Exactly, everyone knows that when you start a fight, you're allowed to use deadly force as soon as you start losing the fight. How else is a reasonable person meant to defend oneself?

Or like, call the police while you hide in a closet or something. People are fucking trigger happy.

I just don't get why he even opened the door. I mean look, if I heard someone knocking on my door unexpectedly at 2:30 in the morning, I'd be scared. And since I have no windows around my door, or peephole, I'd have no way of knowing who it was. Which is why, under no circumstances, would I open the door. Grab a…

The store owner is the one who should be arrested. That dress is a far more grievous crime than mere thievery.

If anyone asks you that again, ask them why they don't know the difference between God and Jesus.

Where's the box that it came in?

LOL! You used "cats" and "willingly" in the same sentence!

It's probably time to bring back the ladies' Victorian bathing machine.

Or, you know, a solid actor (no scare quotes needed) for many years who has starred in two David Lynch films and has also had a successful career as a screenwriter.

The ring bearer at my brother's wedding threw a tantrum in the aisle and threw the pillow with the rings on it into the crowd.

Now that True Blood has wrapped and Anna Paquin is no longer contractually obligated to have blond hair, the 31-year-old actress celebrated by going all out.