In this alternate universe where they make the field goal, I picture Pitt then making a great defensive stand, getting the ball back, driving down to 4th and goal on the 2...

Ah, Genesis. Where God behaves like he's in a "Saw" prequel. 

Is there a chance Trevor Siemian's back will bend? 

Home team should be allowed to choose clockwise or counterclockwise base-running.

I really just wanted to make the dildo joke, but after further consideration of the analogy as presented by @cjod86, the Bears are actually the Russian embassy.

And the Bears are the prototype elliptical dildo machine.

Bright, guys. 

I'm more worried about the Boomers who *aren't* aging.

(It was a joke. Plus I believe the good Doctor Lizardo is a White Sox fan.)

“[P]rofessional left fielders who can’t be relied upon to make accurate throws to the plate... ”

Win? No, the winner got tickets to LCD Soundsystem. Second prize was one ticket to Dolan. Third prize was two tickets.

Stop. Just F-(ing)-Stop.

“Omsk-aha! Omsk-aha! “

“The hole [inaudible] is fully wide open!”

I wish they’d let the clip go longer, so it got to the part where Ellen Foley and Meat Loaf start singing again.

Horse's Ass Defends Contact with Horse's Ass

‘ Wheeler also joined the “100/100 Club” ‘

“Sorry, kids. We had a Trump, two Weinsteins, and a Sevigny this year. We’re maxed out. Maybe next semester.”

Flesh?! But that’s the tastiest part!

Ad server algorithm dropped a Gillette razor commercial in the middle of this article. NICE.