Well if it is on Fox, then it won't be hard to wrangle up a few people from Glee. I say Naya Rivera (Rizzo) + an aged-out Disney Channel Star + Carly Rae Jepsen + the most recent winner of American Idol + Michael B. Jordan (Kenickie)

Reminder: "A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card, when you only care enough to send the very best!"

You know what books are awesome? The Wayside School books. Even as an adult they're funny.

"That's what we like long and big. That's what I am," he said.

"Still young career"?

LISTEN HERE, MY FRIEND, THIS SLAMMIN JAMMIN FLAVOR FIESTA DOESN'T STOP WITH SOME PISSY LITTLE SANDWICH. FOR ROUND TWO, PREPARE YOUR FACEHOLE FOR THE POUNDING IT DESERVES. WE'VE GOT SATAN'S OWN YOU-DAHO POTATOES, AN INCREDIBALLER DISH WHERE WE'VE DUMPED AN ENTIRE BAG OF SPUDS AND THREE POUNDS OF CIGARETTE BUTTS INTO A…

I got hit on by a dude in one of those Guy Fieri wig/visor things one time. I wanted to cry and/or punch him in the face.

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING.

RING THE BELL IN FLAVORTOWN SQUARE BECAUSE GUY REVERE IS RIDING HIS 4-COURSE FLAVOR HORSE THROUGH THE STREETS TO WARN YOU ABOUT HIS BRAND NEW CASH MONEY DELI BRO-GIE JAM PACKED WITH MORE MEAT THAN A DRUNK SORORITY GIRL ON A SATURDAY NIGHT. AND THIS AIN'T NO GAY-OLI MY FRIENDS, OUR STRAIGHT GANGSTER VOLCANO AIOLI SAUCE…

Never in my life have I rolled my eyes so much. I just wanted to bitch-slap Guy everytime I saw that + sign or a goddamn "slang" word. Also it reads like he's yelling the menu at us. CALM DOWN GUY FIERI.

They are made of red. Just red.

Righteous Rojo Rings $12

*yawn* Yeah, feel free to come cry us a river when this has been the norm for about 90 years, fellas.

Men: Now us men can feel insecure too! Score one for the patriarchy!

Women: Yeah, bitches! Welcome to the party.

Men: Uhh, we were being sarcastic ...

Women: Look, motherfuckers. We've been dealing with this shit, like, forever. We're too tired to be sarcastic. We have no pity left. Now push-ups and crunches and toes…

A pale and icy blue. A merciless blue.

Which is why I really like Soledad O'Brien

UGH, this fucking guy. He's so charismatic and such a good speaker, but the angle he chooses for his message is THE WORST. If he would put his considerable talents and energy into literally any other subject, he could do a lot of good for the Church.

You know, I have come to expect this bullshit from the anti-choice/anti-contraception crowd. Especially folks like Dolan. But here's what I want to know: why didn't the interviewer push back on this? Like, how hard is it to say "Actually, no, you cannot buy contraceptives—aside from condoms—at the 7-11. Did you know…

What a stupid thing to say. I always wonder if these people are willfully ignorant, or if they really are just dumb as dishwater.