Us humans ruin everything.

I’m originally from NYC and currently live in Chicago so I travel between O’Hare and LGA a few times a year to visit home. O’hare is always a crowded shit-hole that takes forever to get to and LGA is in the middle of nowhere.

Just look at that pickup with the monster truck wheels and those khaki pants probably bought from Walmart by their moms. Should we have expected anything less?

Fox News, a vehicle for empowering women (to be blonde and pretty housewives/birthing vessels)

Reading any news from the South makes me sad for America. New song: Ashamed to be an American (sometimes? or all?). Will be better than Lee Greenwood’s.

#lifegoals (of teens with sad lives)

Thankful I never want to be married and have a bachelorette party. More thankful I don’t have this type of mom.

No yogi (because everyone is a yogi nowadays.. for the sake of Instagram) would drink Bud Light. That’s absurd.

The fetal brain tissue spread also works great on lobster bought with food stamps.

I love Ina Garten. She’s one of the few people on Food Network who can actually cook. When Ina Garden roasts a chicken, she roasts it correct. When Ina Garten makes mashed potatoes, those are some solid mashed potatoes. In many ways I want Ina’s life. I don’t want to live in her house. I don’t want to spend a weekend…

Why is this a thing? #stopagig

It’s one thing to say you hate America, but licking a doughnut that’s waiting to be bought is wrong on so many levels.

Paula Deen may have been the one under fire for racist comments, but Bobby Deen is still the worst. Just look at him. Every time I saw him on Paula Deen’s show, I wanted to throw something at the TV, hoping it would magically hit him in real life.

2nd article I’ve read about KK this week. I’m so disappointed in myself.

I firmly believe I would be a terrible mother.. but then people say things like “Your motherly instinct will kick in.” Those people need leave me alone and let me be a childless spinster.

If there are more children being born in the US then women should stop pressuring me by asking me why I don’t want children and telling me I should have them. There’s clearly a ton of women out there having babies. I don’t need to be one of them.

What happens when you marry a bro.

I can’t with overachieving high school kids who try to overachieve in shit that doesn’t matter... But they become those amazing creatures who peak at high school. I love seeing them when I go back home to visit family.

God saw that it’s raining aborted fetuses so he stopped rain in California. That makes perfect sense.

You forgot about the part where we women cut off your dicks because feminism.