Fucking magnificent.

I’m here for you, friend.

“When life throws you a curveball, you don’t always have to step up and take a swing at it. Sometimes you should just let it hit you square in the nose and experience the pain of a real gusher.”
So if I get rejected hella painfully, I should immediately make out with someone...?

“I am basically incapable of not picking someone that will eventually bail.”
Ack, this sounds like the me of the last threeish years.
(Being an excellent parent is quite the accomplishment!)

“But then I realized that perhaps gravitating towards one’s own race is an evolutionary defense mechanism developed in the 50,00 - 200,000 years before modern civil rights.”

NOPE.

Fantastic! I’m single.

PUT ‘EM IN A BODYBAG, TEACHER.

San Francisco has Fisherman’s Wharf, so...?
I have no idea what my point is here.

It's commonly used to exaggerate (or enhance, if you will) features we are biologically predisposed to find attractive, some of which are considered universal

Not sure how I feel about meta-Deadspin.
[will probably read Chopped recap anyway]

And the shot glasses...?

BASSically I don’t know:
Videos? I’m not finding those.
So commenting now is the incredible
Web animal
The uncannable D, Deadspin Commenter Number One

“My sister has absolutely no chill.”

Did you know that Texas has a lot of money? (I was shocked after reading the comments myself.)

Either Jim Joyce calls the final out in Armando Galarraga’s perfect game, or else Bud Selig uses the absurd amount of power vested in him to do everybody involved a solid (instead of being a dick).

Haha, almost caught a fade in Berlin because of that one...

Also: those g*ddamn frosted tips. F**k that guy.

I’ll keep it recent:

Not a good way to endear yourself to the in-laws.