Shit, what the hell am I doing reading Lifehacker?...The time is now, bitches!

53 percent of black women didnt vote for Trump so there is that to celebrate.

Get out.

Such poor planning. No security, or velvet ropes, and you arrange the expensive ass art like a giant game of fucking dominoes.

A majority of people (especially in LA, ugh... wait, do you live in LA?!) are like you who don’t want to commit to any plans or says ‘yes’ then bail when something better comes up. Apparently asking for a committed yes or no to be in the presence of an acquaintance is too much to ask of people. Everyone’s trying so…

Every month, I pick up between $20-$30 that people just drop on the ground. Pennies, nickles, dimes. Sometimes they’ll leave it on top of vending machines. Helps me buy the avocado toast everybody was bitching about.

Okay, but people pay $300K for memberships to his golf course. If I invite you over to my house for Christmas and take a dump on the rug, sure it’s technically still my call, but I’m also a huge dick for doing so.

Your ass weighs more than your arms. You’re actually sitting on the rear wheel so you need a little more support there. Lower front tire pressure in wider tires allows for more deformation of the tire over bumps resulting in a fairly cheap shock absorber and a much more comfortable ride. The chart below should be a…

If you can’t manage anything else, learn the proper pressure for your tires and keep them inflated. I sometimes slack off on this, and can really feel the difference if they’re under-inflated.

There’s a trade-off with new construction unfortunately. You don’t get all the broken-down stuff under the surface that could break at any minute, but you do get to find all the mistakes the lowest bidder made.

Carbon Monoxide poisoning.

LOL...well I can confirm at least one of those.

This is true. I taught my son what “shooting for distance” was a few years ago. My wife remains steadfastly unamused.

I have a urinal in the basement, and can’t imagine living without it. And by urinal, I mean utility sink.

I have a bidet and love it.

It’s true! I’m doing it because I’m lazy, no sarcasm. Every time I do a “daily calorie count” type diet, be it Weight Watchers or just the LiveStrong app or whatever else, eventually I get tired of counting every slice of bread, every teaspoon of butter, every almond, and having to look each thing up and guesstimate…

You’d be surprised how many fecal particles are all over the place, even if you think you’ve cleaned yourself.

The thought of my own death doesn’t bother me a bit - I wont be conscious to experience any lack. Utter blankness of consciousness doesn’t bother me. I like the idea of my molecules going back into the ground to nurture it. I don’t love pain and fear and loss of control. But I try to accept that I may experience all…

I want to be stuffed and propped up at a SF Giants game. With a beer in my stuffed hand.

Ultimately, the act of naming a child after yourself as a woman is an act of preserving your own name. But that name is probably your father's name.