He will for sure ask for epaulets, or more accurately, “those big square shoulder things with the gold trim that big strong army guys wear”

On this note, what if ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER was Calvin Johnson all along?

“I don’t even want to talk about that,” Johnson said. “I don’t have no reason to talk about that. I don’t even talk about the Lions.”

They’re not rocks, they’re minerals.

I’ll take a bunch of herbs over  Tommy from Quinzee anyday

Who?

The fact that 2 of my favorite games (Primal Rage and Cruis’n USA) I played at my local Godfather’s Pizza on weekends growing up aren’t even mentioned is the strongest evidence I’ve yet seen that this country should be broken up into the 12 little countries it actually is

I thought you were gonna say they showed up to a concert they weren’t even supposed to be playing at and did a set.

The league cited Harden’s attempted block as a potential infraction—a possible foul, but one the league could not say conclusively was a foul even upon review, according to Houston’s analysis. Houston concluded that the non-call cost them two points.

“This potential noise infraction should be worth an extra 23 points for us to start the game”

Came looking for this comment. Was not disappointed.

Does is make a difference in schadenfreude if Kraft has a monster dong? I mean, he almost certainly doesn’t, but I feel like I wouldn’t enjoy(?) it near as much if he was packing heat.

Well Dutch isn’t a race so I’d say lefty is just telling it like it is.

Psh, Phillip Fry is twice the “the” he ever was...

This is a clever idea, but you run into the the weird situation that anyone who is smart enough to think of it will also be smart enough to recognize that it’s also homophobic and bad, and certainly not want to put on a sign. I’m not sure the circles in that Venn diagram overlap.

BaggierTrousers said as much, but I’ll confirm as well. I’m from IL (though not Chicago) and yeah a lot of the Cubs fans I met wore the team’s failure like a badge of honor for decades before they were ever even close to winning. They were so proud of themselves for sticking with a terrible team that had no interest…

The half second pause before pressing the annihilate button is really the best we can strive for at this point.

*are immediately pelted with D-cells*

It does, but all that takes is the QB making a decision on who is getting the most contact, which they do anyway. I used 4 go routes because that would get you the most chances for the most yards.

Down by 3 with 3 mins to play? Just run 4 go routes on 3 consecutive plays and throw the flag when you think you have the most contact. In slow-mo, there pretty much has to be some form of DPI on most routes. This seems like such a bad idea and it’s just asking to be exploited.