Hey cut it out with the optimism! I’m trying to come up with snarky replies and you’re lifting my spirits.

I was just going to lament that this blog wasn’t filed to “A Modest Proposal”.

On the one hand, I’m happy for humanity as a whole that this is the only blog filed to “Karate Mark”.

Keep making good points like this and you’re gonna have to change your screen name, fella.

So what’s his nickname gonna be? KoKo? KaKa? Both of those have already been done before.

That’s less likely to be stale than some obscure Greek wine by the glass for sale at a sports bar outside Gary, Indiana.

Excellent. And you don’t even need to parody the first verse, as the lyrics pretty clearly describe a concussion’s after-effects.

Saints Fan: “That doesn’t make sense - if I spill my gumbo on either the top or the bottom half, it’s still gonna show.”

As long as news about him doing so doesn’t hit my twitter feed or deadspin he’s free to do whatever he likes. (The ushers might get pissed at him though)

And at least one other person knew it was going to be an issue and had the replacement package ready to go!

I’ll bet on a tie.

I can already hear the idiotic cries about how this will kill opportunities for boys instead of helping girls, and then there won’t be any sports for anyone. Oh won’t somebody think of the children?!?

And there’s always the risk that the stench of losing becomes stubbornly ingrained in a franchise and lasts a generations.

(more music theory stuff incoming) Is the “three white keys” referenced a m3 or M3?? That’s a whole entire note different!

Well with the 20th century trend of young whales moving away from rural areas and to abyssal cities, and what with the current exorbitant cost of living in New York harbor, San Francisco Bay, Atlantis, etc and resulting exoduses from these cities to emerging metro areas, especially in the oceanic Sun Belt, whale…

And mind-control! Don’t forget the mind-control that convinces otherwise tightfisted citizens to open up their wallets and have hundreds of millions in tax dollars bamboozled away from them.

Look, if I answer any more questions in this thread I’m gonna have to start charging you. I’m a working musician, unlike all the lawyers who lurk in the Deadspin comments who love doing pro boner work.

Awww crap! Now he’s gonna sign with the Patriots and start hauling in touchdowns from Brady every Sunday!

Very clangy sets of notes that most people don’t voluntarily seek out (except on Halloween)

I’m sorry, Max. I read your first sentence and decided this would be the best social media reply for any group getting grief from the NRA.