Missed opportunity:

Does just-ybout everything I could ask for.

Tried to import my RX-7 from Okinawa as a young Marine lance corporal in 1983. Did not end well.

Those fire drills don't seem so silly now, do they, you stupid American teenagers?

So then a Volvo C30 is a wagon and the V70 is a hatchback?

...causing about $6,500 in damage per vehicle.

5th Gear: America’s Hottest Car Is...

I can’t star this enough! That sums it up perfectly.

Hate leads to suffering.

Just borrow the design from Top Fuel dragsters and be done with it

Not sure if serious but I would trade all that (except that brewery church, that sounds awesome) to end all sexism/racism in the world.

That's the New Testament, he only recognizes the 10 commandments. There's quite a few blind spots in his legal sphere.

Everyone knows that Idaho is a cartographic rounding error, anyway.

Yeah, but without religion, you wouldn’t have great hits like The Exorcism and books like Salem’s Lot, or my favorite restaurant in my hometown that consists of a beautiful church turned into a great Micro Brewery.

Ah yes, the section in the Constitution that states

They also don’t say you need a license to practice medicine. Therefore, I’m announcing the opening of my new plastic surgery clinic Boobs R Us, specializing in augmentations. Our tagline? We Know Boobs.

Religion the best and worst thing human beings ever created.

I have a beautifully maintained 1986 ski boat. Yes, it’s light gray and burgundy (gem tones were THE. THING. in the 1980s). It really does need a gimbal service (rubber seal that keeps the water out of the engine compartment).